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Funny jokes that will make you laugh out loud and calm you down.

Take a look at these jokes that will surely make you be at ease.


1. Wicked Ladies

Ladies are wicked. They will lay on your chest and ask, "Honey have you ever cheated on me?" ...then wait for your heart to beat fast.


2. Fire on the mountain


3. Never steal. The government hates competition.


4. Don’t believe any rumor until the government denies it.


5.


6. The first time I sang in the church choir, two hundred people changed their religion.


7. When nothing dey enter head


8. They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.


9.


10. Guy comes up the hill, looks up to the sky and yells, "God, I want to hear your opinion! Is Facebook harmful?" And response from heaven, "A moment let me just finish this status.


11. Lee what?


12. Movie Ratings Explained: G: Nobody gets the girl. PG: The good guy gets the girl. R: The bad guy gets the girl. X: Everybody gets the girl!


13. Fear these mothers


14. What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement? A Firetruck.


15.


16. Wife: Who was that on the phone?

Husband: Wrong number. Some guy thought this was the weather bureau.

Wife: What did he say?

Husband: He asked if the coast was clear...


17.


18. Dreams

One morning, after she woke up, a woman told her husband,

"I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond necklace for Valentine's Day.

What do you think it means?"

"Maybe you’ll find out tonight…," he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.

Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled: "The Meaning of Dreams."


19


20. A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with OnceUpon A Time?"And he replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If Elected I promise...'"


21.


22. Men are born between the legs of women and spend all their life trying to get back between them. Why? Because there's no place like home ...


23.


24. If women knew what men were really thinking, theyd never stop slapping them.


25. When you travel to an African country and come back with an American accent


26. Every man thinks he is the dream of every woman. Sorry guys, but the dream of every woman is eating all the time and not to get fat.


27. Foreigners eating the local delicacies


28. Two girls were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher says, Why are you arguing?? One girl answers, We found a ten dollar note and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.

You should be ashamed of yourselves, said the teacher, When I was your age I didnt even know what a lie was. The girls gave the ten dollars to the teacher.


29.


30. Computer Ladies

Technically, there are 7 Types Of Ladies:

1. Hard Disk lady: Remembers everything forever.

2. RAM lady: Forgets about you the moment you turn off.

3. SCREENSAVER lady: Just for looking.

4. INTERNET lady: Difficult to access.

5. SERVER lady: Always busy when needed 

6. MULTIMEDIA lady: Looks beautiful but you can only look.

7. VIRUS lady: This type of lady is normally called 'WIFE', once enters your system, never leaves even if the system is formatted.


31. Naija why?


32. Stupidity

The definition of "stupidity" is when you have a Land Rover, Land Cruiser and still have a LandLord 


33.


34. 21st Century Less

Welcome to the 21st Century where our Phones are Wireless, Cooking is Fireless, Cars are Keyless, Tyres are Tubeless, Dresses are Sleeveless, Youths are Jobless, Leaders are Shameless. Relationships are Meaningless, Wives are Fearless, Babies are Fatherless, Education is Valueless. Children are Mannerless. Everything is becoming less but still our hopes are Endless. In fact I am Speechless!


35. Still thinking


36. A kid asks his dad, "What's a man?" The dad says, "A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family." The kid says, "I hope one day I can be a man just like mom!"


37 . Only For Naija

Nigeria is the most unique country on earth: Where our mothers use ice cream bowls to store pepper in the fridge, where ladies dont accept flowers for valentine or birthday, where lizards look you in the eye, nod and say, Noting dey happen guy, where groundnuts are sold in bottles, where parents claim they were always first position in school and Where you are jailed for stealing maggi and given a chieftancy title for stealing millions.


38. Confusing the confuser


39. Important Advice To Guys

Learn how to romance your woman and stop twisting her nipple as if you are searching for a radio station.


40. Don't Touch

A mother noticed her daughter's stomach bulging and immediately asked her, "Adunni! How did you get pregnant?! Didn't I tell you to say "Don't" if a man touches your breast, and say "Stop" if he touches your private part?" The daughter replied, "Yes mum, I did that, but he was touching both at the same time and I had to say, "Don't Stop!".


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Guy Heaven Wicked Ladies Ladies

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