I knew this day was coming up but I didn't know how I was going to be feeling. Course I knew I'd be heartbroken, I always am. But this time it feels different especially since I can't see her. +
Today's Saturday. Which means tomorrow is obviously Sunday, no shit, I know right? The only good thing about tomorrow is I wouldn't have to face trying to get through the day at school.
It had been almost 6 years since I lost my sister and it doesn't get any easier.
I drag myself out of bed, after spending the past 8 hours crying instead of sleeping. I look at my reflection and immediately I'm shocked. My face and eyes are incredibly swollen and my eyes are completely bloodshot.
I was going to try and hide how I was feeling from the Carters. I was planning on spending the next couple days locked away in my bedroom. But with the state of my appearance that was going to be impossible. No one could not notice that I'd been crying.
I quickly brush my teeth and wash my face before heading down the stairs. I thought washing my face could maybe help me look a bit better but it definitely didn't.
I arrive at the table when only Mark is sitting there, the boys obviously still in bed. Ally's rushing about behind him trying to sort breakfast.
"Morning pet." Mark smiles soothingly like he does most mornings pulling me in for a tighter hug than normal. Obviously he notices the fact I look like fucking shit, but he doesn't say anything about it and for that I'm thankful.
I manage to croak out a morning before slipping in to my usual seat.
"Here you go angel." Ally smiles before loading my plate up with my favourite breakfast before kissing my head. "I'm just going to wake the boys up."
The next few moments are filled with loud bangs and slams as the boys hurriedly arrive around the breakfast table.
Tyler sits in his usual seat, which is right opposite me. The rest of the boys take their seats without saying anything to me besides a good morning. I obvious notice them all staring, since they're not sly in the slightest. I can tell trying to work out what is wrong with me.
"Whats wrong Amelia? Have you been crying? Do you want me to get you a cheer-up-popsicle?" Zack asks while Ally begins to shoosh him. 1
I can't help but smile at how innocent Zack is. "I just ament feeling to good today."
"I cry when I get sick too! Here this always makes me feel better."
The next thing I know, he's out his seat standing beside my chair, he reaches his small arms out and wraps them round my neck and pulls me closer.
I wrap my arms around him, burying my head as much as I could in too his little shoulder. I couldn't do anything when a few tears started coming from my eyes.
Mark must have heard the small sniffle that escaped. He begins loudly clearing up and asks the boys to help him.
I begin to pull back from Zack when he leans closer to my ear. "Mommy always tells me that everything will get better." He gently kisses my cheek before running to help his dad and brothers. 20
That's when I make my escape upstairs to my bedroom. About 30 minutes later is when Tyler appears. He knocked gently before coming in and sitting on the edge of my bed.
"What's wrong babydoll?" He asks while pushing some hair out of my face.
"I just don't feel well." I half lie.
He looks at me like he can tell that I'm lying. "Is it because you had another nightmare?" +
"Yeah." I half lie again. I mean technically it's not lying because I did have a nightmare but that's not the full reason for my complete sadness.
"Move over munchkin." 10
I slowly move over to create room for him to lie down beside me. He places his arm under my neck and pulls me in to his side while flinging his arm over my stomach. "You could have came to me and told me what was wrong, I would of brought you breakfast up the stairs so you didn't have to go down."
"I like to pretend everything normal. I don't like to feel I'm being a burden."
"You could never be a burden. Especially about something like this."
I start to play with Jess's necklace, feeling myself getting teary again. Tyler moves my hand from the necklace before holding it in his own.
He leans it and places a soft kiss on the necklace before kissing my temple. "It matches your bracelet, where did you and Jess get them?"
"Our grandparents got them for us when each of us were born. We only started wearing them when we were 5 and 7. Mine was obviously very big for me but now it fits perfectly." 5
"They're both gorgeous. Just like the ladies they were given too."
Me and Tyler have spent the last few hours talking about the most random shit. I feel a whole lot better than I had done.
Ally knocks on my door before coming in. Thankfully me and Tyler had moved at this point. He was lying sideways down the bottom of the bed above the covers while I was lying normally under the covers.
"Tyler, Mikes outside to pick you up."
"I don't think I'm going to go anymore, I'll let him know."
He jumps off my bed and in to his room holding his phone.
"It took you guys months to eventually get they tickets." Ally says.
"Tickets for what?" I ask since no ones giving anything a way.
"It's just a basketball game, a couple towns over, we have a hotel for the night. Plus mom, Amelia's not feeling well I was going to spend the day with her."
"No way Tyler! You've even spoke to me about this game for ages!" Remembering how long ago he first told me about it. I must have just not listened to the exact date. "You're going! I'll be fine, you're not missing this for me."
"But I want to miss it for you. I want to spend the day with you. I can't leave you knowing you feel like this, I won't be able to get you off my mind plus.."
"Tyler you're going."
"Anyway I was going to ask Amelia if she wanted to have a girls night. Since your dad is taking the younger boys out also." Ally smiles.
"I'd love to Ally. See Tyler .. Now you have to go, there's no boys allowed at the girls night."
He looks deep in thought for a minute.
"I'll go tell your Mike you'll be out in a sec."
She closes the door over. "Amelia I don't mind missing.."
"You're going, end of." 1
"You're hot when you're bossy, you know that?"
He leaves my room for a second to retrieve his bag for the night before coming back through. I sit up as he takes a seat back on the edge.
I'll only go if you text or call me whenever you want to talk and keep me updated. You need me, you call me okay? I'll be back as soon as I can." +
"I'll be fine, I'm not alone Tyler I've got your mom."
"You saying you'll be fine doesn't stop me from worrying though Carson. Have fun. I'll text you later." He pulls me in for a close hug and as usual when he backs away he kisses my cheek.
Tyler leaves soon after. I over heard him chatting with his mum about me. Telling her to make sure she texts him if anything changes with me.
Next, I head down the stairs where Ally's sitting on the couch. "I was thinking movies and a spa night?" 1
"That's exactly what I need."
Me and Ally are currently sitting in the couch with buns on the top of our head after just taking our face masks off. We are currently watching our 3rd movie, Bride Wars. 1
"How are you Amelia? Like really."
I sigh knowing this conversation would have to happen sometime. I've never spoke about Jess to Ally or Mark, of course they know some details from forms I had to fill out but they don't know everything.
"I'm okay I guess. I mean I'm super happy that I'm back here with all you guys. But I don't know how I feel about being here on the actual day. I just hate not being able to visit her."
"You know everyone adores you being here. It's like the house completely changed when you arrived and definitely for the better. How do you think your parents will be?"
"Same as always. They usually throw themselves in to their work around about this time of year, well more than normal. They won't speak about Jess or they won't go visit her. It's like they've shut her out. But I mean everyone has a different way of coping with grief, that's just their way."
"Tell me, what was Jess like?" Turning to face me.
"She was amazing. She was honestly the best big sister ever. Most sisters wouldn't let you borrow their things or wear their clothes. Jess was the complete opposite. She'd love to find me rummaging about in her closet and trying on all her new clothes. I remember in primary school when these kids started to pick on me and Jess got suspended for showing them that they should mess with her 'baby sister'. I put air quotes when saying baby sister because that's the exact term she used. Even though she was only 2 years older than me she would always refer to me as her baby sister." I wipe away a few tears that had escaped. "It's weird to think that it's been 6 years since I've seen my sister and that I'm not going to see her again."
Me and Ally continue talking about Jess for a bit. I love talking about her. Sure I get upset sometimes but back home I wouldn't be allowed to talk about her. I tell Ally tones of stories about when we were younger and she continues asking more questions, sounding and looking genuinely interested.
"You know I've never really done this with my mum."
Ally looks at me sadly. "Why is that?"
"I'm not close with my parents. I'm way more closer with my best friends parents than I am with my own." 3
"Clara's mom and dad?""
"Yeah. Her and her family have been there for me way more than my own. I remember once when my mum was drunk, this was a couple years ago, and she told me she hated how every time she looked at me she saw Jess. Which I could understand because we looked the same, acted the same and even sounded the same."
"That doesn't mean ..." She tries to say.
"I know what you're gonna say. The next day my mum apologised and tried to say she never meant it. Of course I knew she did but I thought it would be better not to cause an argument over it. I always knew Jess was their favourite. She was their golden girl. She was the one who wanted to follow my dads footsteps and become a doctor. I was never in to that kinda thing, I was way more in to the creative side of school. My mum and dad told me nothing good would come out of doing something creative and I had to pick something more practical to do. Jess was the only one who stood up to my parents and said I could do what I wanted, she only ever wanted me to be happy." +
Ally wipes a few tears from her eyes before taking my hands in hers. "I'm going to tell you something Amelia and I want you to never forget it."
I nod slowly.
"No matter wherever you go or whatever you do. You will have a home right here, with us. I want you to follow your dreams and do whatever it is you want to do, no matter what anyone ever says to you. Jess is always with you and I know she will be immensely proud of the beautiful, caring young women you've become. Life's too short to be doing something you don't want to do." 10
I can't help but start to cry. Ally reaches out and pulls me closer to her and lets me cry in to her shoulder, rubbing my back and telling me to let it all out.
I've been lying with my head on Ally's lap watching the movie for a while. She's currently combing my hair with her hand. Since Ally said the sweetest thing in the world to me the tears just haven't stopped.
We hear the front door open and remain still.
"I brought pizza for my favourite ladies." Mark chimes while carrying pizza boxes through and laying them on the table. "I know it's a girls night but mind if join?"
We eat our pizzas and finish the movie that Mark asked us to watch. +
I already know without looking in the mirror that my face is a state. My eyes are in so much pain from crying so I decide to call it a night. 1
"I'm going to go bed I think, thank you for tonight, I really needed it." I hug them both and kiss them both on the cheek. "Night, I love yous." 3
They both look shocked that I said it. But a happy shock.
"We love you." They both smile. "Sleep tight. If you need us, come get us right away."
I've been trying to sleep for what feels like hours. I lean over to my bedside table and turn the lamp on, picking up my phone I see it was 3 in the morning.
I had been texting Tyler throughout the whole day but I hadn't responded for a few hours so I could try get some sleep. But all I had been doing is lying in darkness.
The next second my door swings open and in walks the one and only Tyler River Carter.
Looking amazingly handsome. Might I add.
"Tyler what are you doing?! I thought you were staying in a hotel?!"
"I was but I couldn't stop thinking about you. I didn't want to be away from you. It felt weird not hearing you gossiping next door or.." He looks in my direction and gets a good late at my swollen red face. "I knew I shouldn't of went. I can't believe I left you like this. What kind of.." 3
"Tyler I'm fine." I try to reassure.
"You don't look fine babydoll." He strides over to my bed. Ripping off his t-shirt and climbing in beside me. 14
I try not to get distracted my his amazing body.
"Now are you going to tell me the truth?" He asks softly.
"It's been 6 years today." 4
He instantly knows what I'm talking about. Sadness fills his whole face. He puts an arm under the nook of my neck and turns me to face him. Both lying on our sides and staring in to each other's eyes. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't really want to tell anyone but of course your mum and dad knew from the notes. I just wanted to get this day over and done with. With no fuss."
"There's nothing I hate more than seeing you like this. You want to talk, talk. You want to cry then you cry. I'll be here to listen to everything you have to say and I'll be here to wipe the tears away. I'll never leave you." 17
Once again for the thousand time in the last couple days I cry. "You know that kinda rhymes."
Tyler leans forward and begins to kiss the tears that leave my eyes before placing a gentle kiss on my lips.
"I'll always be here for you and so will Jess."
And that's when the dam breaks...
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