1. A man with Ak47 ran into a church and pointed the gun at the congregation saying, "Who is a child of GOD here?! Let me send him to heaven!
The congregation remained silent.
He then released one shot into the roof, the congregation shouted, "It's the Pastor! He always says that he is a child of GOD!"
Pastor replied, "What kind of conspiracy is this? Every one here knows that I am the son of Ekua Safoa Donkor. How am I related to GOD?"
2. One day, a man thought up a brilliant idea and went to talk to his son
DAD: I want you to marry a girl of my choice.
DAD: The girl is Bill Gates' daughter.
The dad goes to Bill Gates:
DAD: I want your daughter to marry my son.
BILL GATES: No way! Do I know you?
DAD: My son is the CEO of the World Bank.
BILL GATES: OK! We can arrange for them to meet.
Dad goes to the president of World Bank:
DAD: Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank.
DAD: He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates.
PRESIDENT: Hmmm. OK!
This is business! Right or wrong?
3. Akpos was in church one Sunday. He had to go to the bathroom so he told his mother, "Mommy, I want to piss?"
The mother said, "Son don't say piss in church. Next time you have to piss, say, 'whisper' because it is more polite."
The next Sunday, the little boy was sitting by his father this time, and once again, he had to go to the bathroom. He told his father, "Daddy I want to whisper?"
The father said, "OK. Here, whisper in my ear."
4. A lady broke the traffic signal...
LADY: Please let me go... I am a teacher.
POLICE: Aahaa! I have been waiting for this moment all my life... Now write, "I Will never break a signal 100 times!".
5. Mommy, tomorrow I have an oral exam, and one question the teacher will ask me is 'who made you?' What should I say?" asked Akpos.
"God made you, dear," replied his mother.
The next day, when the question came up, poor Akpos forgot what his mother had said. So, he explained, "Teacher, until yesterday I was sure it was my Daddy who made me, but then Mommy said it was someone else... and I can't remember the guy's name."
6. Letter to my classmate
To all my classmates who refused to tear the middle of their higher education notebook for me to write a test, hope youre still using that note.
To those who refused to open their note for me to copy, I hope youre all working at Chevron or Microsoft Company now.
For the class captain who always writes my name as one of the noisemakers in the class, I hope youre the Chairman of your Local Government now!
7. PASTOR: If your bible and your Iphone is falling, which one will you catch first?
AKPOS: My Iphone. Because the word of God cannot be broken.
8. In a Christian Religious Knowledge class...
TEACHER: Which day is regarded as being holy when work should not be done?
9. During a CRK class...
TEACHER: No one knows tomorrow except?
Akpos raised his hands
TEACHER: Okay Akpos, tell us, who knows tomorrow?
AKPOS: Sir, me!
TEACHER: (surprised) And what's tomorrow?
AKPOS: Tomorrow is Monday.
10. A Japanese tourist hailed a taxi in Nigeria and asked to be taken to the Ahmadu Bello Airport.
On the way, a car zoomed by and the tourist responded, "Oh! Toyota - Made in Japan! Very fast!"
Not too long afterward, another car flew by the taxi. "Oh! Nissan - Made in Japan! Very fast!"
Yet another car zipped by, and the tourist said, "Oh! Mitsubishi - Made in Japan! Very fast!"
Akpos, who is 100% Nigerian, was starting to get a little annoyed that the Japanese made cars were passing his taxi when another car passed the taxi as they were turning into the airport. "Oh! Honda - Made in Japan! Very fast!"
Akpos stopped the car, pointed to the meter, and said, "That'll be 5000 naira ."
The tourist exclaimed "5000 naira? It was short ride! Why so much?"
Akpos smiled as he replied, "Meter - Made in Nigeria. Very fast!"
One word for Akpos?
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