When our children don't seem to listen to us, it's one of the most difficult things we have to deal with as parents. A major part of discipline is learning how to talk to kids so they will listen. The way you talk to your child teaches him how to talk to others. Here are some talking tips we have learned with our children:
1. Accept the fact that we can't and shouldn't control anyone other than ourselves.
Children aren't robots. Children are not to be confused with pets. Our children are not our possessions. We should not attempt to control another person. And, let's be honest, the reality is that we can't. When our children are younger and completely reliant on us for survival, we appear to have more control. However, we will not have that edge in the future. What do you think your child will do if you are overly controlling now when that day comes? After moving out, I've witnessed many adult children who don't even speak to their domineering parents. Even if the children keep in touch, the connections are not always as tight as the parents had planned.
2. Consider the timing.
When parents bring up a topic, they frequently want to communicate and be heard right away. However, making sure you choose a moment when the youngster is ready to listen can be beneficial. It may not be as beneficial to interrupt a game or another chat right in the middle of it. "I see you're busy right now; will there be a break in a few minutes when we can talk? This demonstrates that you value your child's time, which they may emulate in their own lives after witnessing it in you.
3. Think to yourself where does this comes from
Ask yourself where the expression "My child won't listen..." comes from in your own life. What is our motivation for saying this about our child, and where does it come from within us? Perhaps they aren't listening because we aren't connected to them and are quick to draw our own judgments about why they are acting the way they are... I've discovered that the questions I ask others are often questions or comments that might be utilized for self-reflection.” Parenting can, in fact, turn into a spiritual experience.
4. Make Use of Repetition
When the kids are distracted during a conversation, one thing you may do is ask them to repeat what was said so you know the message was understood. Repeating back is part of an active listening approach in which a person's message is important enough to be repeated. The first step in educating your child to be a good listener at home, with others, and at school is to teach them this core ability. So, when you have your communication time, ask them to share what they heard with you.
5. Be reliable
Do you always tell your youngster what you mean? Do you establish a plan and follow it through? ‘I won't be long,' ‘I'll bring you some cake home today,' ‘You can watch that tomorrow,' ‘You can have that after dinner' — typical, seemingly innocent ‘promises' that we fully want to keep but end up breaking because we are too busy or distracted. Breaking these ‘promises,' on the other hand, erodes trust in a youngster, and they will soon stop listening to what we have to say.
6. Try using gentle physical touch.
When entering a room to speak with a youngster, placing your hand on their arm, wrapping an arm around them, or gently squeezing their shoulders can help. Children learn in different ways, and you can grab their attention a little better if you utilize both spoken messaging and proper touch. When trying to connect, physical touch that isn't delicate might be a huge turnoff. Make sure your touching technique is delicate, well-planned, and conveys love and respect.
7. Be honest.
Are you someone who always tells it like it is with and around your kids? Do you ever tell kids "white lies" to please them, such as "We'll come back tomorrow," "We'll get that game another day," "I don't have any money in my pocket right now," "Tell the lady I'm not home," "The shop was closed," and "Don't tell your brother I got you that?" Those little lies add up, and because children aren't stupid, they figure out whether their parents lie or have integrity quickly. Why should they believe someone who isn't always truthful? Would you do it?
8. Give positive attention
Non-compliance can be a terrific method for youngsters to draw a lot of attention to themselves. Despite the fact that it is negative attention, some children seek it. In fact, one study discovered that ignoring non-compliant behavior helped children become more obedient. Giving your child frequent doses of positive attention was another strategy to ward off the attention-seeking behavior of non-compliance. Play a game together, talk for a while, or take a walk together. Defiance can be reduced significantly with just a few minutes of positive attention.
9. Be accurate
Fearing that our children would be hurt, we tell them all kinds of lies and present them as facts in order to get them to cooperate. ‘If you go any higher, your teeth will fall out. That movie will give you nightmares,' ‘Video games fry your brain,' and ‘Smoking will kill you.' Mum and dad will become a less sought-after source of counsel if these "facts" turn out to be nothing more than a matter of opinion. When adolescents look to their peers for counsel in their teenage years, this can be very risky. By all means, share your opinions with your children, but if you want them to keep listening to you, avoid scaremongering and presenting advice as "truth" - state your case as an opinion and encourage them to consider other people's perspectives as well as their own.
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