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The Position Of Pastors In Church Members Marital Life And Relationships.

(Pastors are expected to occupy an integral space in the life of their members. As such there would be healthy accustomation to their relevance as mentors)

When it comes to marital life and members relationships, these are areas most pastors try as much as possible to steer clear of or to tread carefully. This should not be so. A pastor is set on a church to oversee all the wellbeing of his members, most especially the marriages and relationships. As much as illicit relationships and courtship are disallowed in the church, some healthy courtships should be encouraged, between aspiring men and women.

There are several problems that couples are facing in their homes but won't be able to confide in anyone. Being able to confide in anyone, being able to trust someone to the extend of revealing salient secrets that pertain to one's life requires trust. A pastor is supposed to be on the pedestal of trustworthiness. Pastors are to be viewed as the next person after God. Someone who could help solve problems, spiritually and even sometimes, secular problems associated with day to day life, and experiences of people.

Reviewing the marital life and Relationships of members:

In modern-day relationships and marriages, there are problems mostly encountered in the start-up stage. Owing to the superficial feelings and emotions that romantic relationships do come with, several things could be left unattended in relationships. Countless times, these things would later come to haunt such marriages in the future, since the supposed things to be done while still in courtship were not done.

In this area, we are talking about some facts that need to be addressed while still in courtship.

The youths could experience some mistakes in their lives, it is in the position of pastors to always try as much as possible to move closer to their members. People tend to find solace in those closest to them, most especially on spiritual matters.

In these areas, pastors would put them through on the required things to carefully and maturely iron out before marriage. So many marriages break off nowadays because of unresolved issues that were left off at the startup that later came back to haunt them.

The first question a pastor should ask their members who are into one relationship or the other is, are you sure there are no issues or secrets on the ground you would need to properly address with your partner before marriage?

The reason for this is that secrets and issues that come up in the future do break the so treasured marriage. If you know you treasure your partner and would want to, by all means, get married to him or her, make sure you are both good in the areas of personal life and be clean cut in records.

Not every record would be clean, this is earth. But, the unclean records of the past, make sure it is well communicated where it should be to your spouse. These are the advice that pastors are required to put before their loved members aspiring to go for a lifelong affair as marriage.

A pastor must endear himself to the members of his congregation by striking a balance between making sense as a preacher and being very close to his members being their spiritual mentors. When a member sees you as a spiritual mentor, then, s/he would be ready to divulge anything to you in faith and trust.

(Pastors must take time out to pay their members courtesy vsits. This gesture greatly lenders them to really trust and rely on them for advice)

Few Reasons why members might not see their pastors as a good confidants:

1. Human beings are a very special species of creation. They have very special ways of concealing feelings and thoughts. A member could have been attending a particular church for many years but still be doubting the authenticity of his or her pastor. The reason is that the perspective of going to seek God and not a man in the church is still very much associated with a higher percentage of people. In this wise, people could keep attending a church for God's sake or the family tradition sake.

2. Pastors levels of spirituality are displayed in the unconscious remorseful feelings of members:

If God has truly called you and placed you over a church to oversee, there are always some particular aura of attractiveness and connection that is always evident in the life of pastors and members. Members tend to feel a longing passion to be associated with a man of God they see and are spiritually drawn to. If this aura is not there, members might find it very difficult to trust a man of God let alone confiding in him/her.

3. Having the power to foresee matters, having revelational knowledge and the divine spirit of prophecy:

We must not deceive ourselves, people tend to respect and believe more in pastors who tell them visions. Yes, pastors who deliver prophecy and instruct people through the World of knowledge and wisdom do have several members who trust and confide solely in them. At some stages, members could trust in their pastors more than they do trust God because the faith is not yet established in God.

Such people would do everything to ensure they leave no stone unturned in matters concerning their personal lives and even their spiritual experiences. It would be very difficult for pastors without spiritual gifts to thrive in a church.

4. Thinking Members are to come to church and there is no need to visit anyone:

(Some pastors think theirs is to stand at rhe pulpit and preach and it is for members to come to

, no it is wrong, you are to also go find them and pay then courtesy visits)

The above is one of the mistakes most pastors make. No matter how well established you are as a pastor, you must still visit your members. As a pastor, you are expected to be trustworthy, as such members would long to see you pay them courtesy visits at times.

Although the issue of personal visitation might change as the church progresses and enlarges, you must have members that you still do visit no matter how busy or big you might have become in the ministry. People tend to trust and be deeply attached to those they see all the time than those who come once in a while.

Do not think maybe they would be tired of you visiting, or maybe they might lose their respect in you, no, the Holy Spirit that works in you would keep renewing and refreshing tour quality, every time.

5. The issue of preferential treatment:

Some pastors do have favourite members that they do pay special visits to. It is very wrong. Although, being human, people tend to draw closer to where they are favoured and cherished than where they are not. But, pastors are not supposed to act as such. Do not treat members differently, even if there are circumstances that could warrant preferential treatment, do not make it obvious.


Pastors are so much influential in the life of their members and the society at large. It is highly expedient they harness the opportunity of maintaining their fervent spiritual status before God and fostering a well-grounded church in improving on the interest in members' welfare management and developments.


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