At the start of every relationship, we tend to feel good when our partner is protective and possessive about us, atleast to certain extent. It even gives you that sense of belonging. We then feel that our partner belongs to us and we belong to them.
"When this sense of belonging is balanced with independence and individuality, we are able to build a healthy, lasting relationship". But when possessiveness is stemed from fear and insecurity, jealousy then kicks in, which in most cases quickly turns into a terrifying and if not, a deadly relationship. The feelings that one experiences at this point are being "controlled, suffocated and even abused".
Here are concerned traits and behaviors of a possessive partner that you need to look out for.
1. He controls how you look
Your partner often wants to control or influence your physical appearance by telling you what to wear and what type of clothes you should put on. On the flip side, he will also tell you what clothes you should not wear; such as tight skirts, short skirts, or revealing outfits.
To add to it, he may also tell you how he wants your hair to appear and how he prefers your to put on your make-up. With all this, you can already see that it goes beyond healthy relationship boundaries. And you may begin to feel that he is invading your personal space which will affect your self-image at the long run.
2. He puts restrictions on you
It is often the case that your partner will try to limit the manner at which you behave, as well as your actions. He would do this by setting limits for you; such as "telling you when you can go out, how often, who you can meet and talk to, and how long you can stay out". It goes on and on.
Already, this is not a healthy relationship and no human being should accept such a thing. We are all entitled to live freely and choose who we want to relate with and where we want to go.
3. He violates your privacy
By being possessive, this inturn also means that your partner does not trust you and may have some insecurity issues by thinking that you are cheating on him. "Hence, he feels the need to spy on you and violate your privacy".
Worst of all, he may hack your personal devices like smartphones and laptops, and may even have you followed. To add to that, he may ask that you share your location constantly, so that he can often check up on you. With this in mind, he might decide to do it in an unnoticeable way or he may just feel entitled to do so, without caring how you feel about it.
4. He manipulates your decisions
Your opinions and what you think has no value to him, because he has made up his mind to take decisions for you. And he would always believe that his own opinion is the one that matters a lot.
Most times, what you have to offer verbally doesn’t count to him, because he doesn't "believe you can be trusted with important life decisions".
5. He has sudden mood fluctuations
Mood swings can result to many painful and regretable things, such as jealousy, insecurity and anger. These are a combination of things that makes up abusive relationships.
"Such negative emotions are the driving factors of mental, verbal and physical abuse in intimate relationships". So you must be vigilant, because if your partner suffers from mood instability and shifts back and forth often from being sweet to angry, then it could be a red flag. So be warned.
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