Marriage is primarily the affair of two people (the husband and the wife). Every other person is seen as a third party. Interestingly, though, at times, those people refered to as third party often at one point or the other try to influence what should and what should not happen in some marriages. One of the best ways couples can have the best out of their marriages is when they make ALL the decisions that surround their marriages by themselves without allowing any other person to manage their marriages for them. The reason why they should be responsible for their decisions is not farfetched - those who make their decisions for them won't be there to take part in the consequences that may follow.
Most marriages fail because the couples were not autonomous enough to be in charge of their marital affairs. It is not every advice you should accept and apply in your marriage affairs, because the end may be ugly.
Nonetheless, so long you are married, the following decisions should be taken by you alone. What any other person may think of feel about those decisions should not be a concern to you.
1. When to have children. It is not strange for the friends and families of married couples to have the expectation of children from them in no distant time after saying, "Yes, I do", most especially in the African setting. However, no matter what their expectations about your marriage may be, the TIME(when) to have children should be entirely decided by you. It is not a crime to wait for some couple of years after your marriage ceremony before you start having children when you are not yet ready to be a parent. Children must not follow immediately in marriage. There is no point having children when you do not have what it takes to give the kind of good life you were not opportune to get from your parents.
2. The number of children to have in your marriage. Aside when to have children in your marriage, you should also be the one deciding the number of children to have in your marriage. You should stick to the number by all means irrespective of the type of gender they turn out to be. Don't exceed the number no matter the pressure that may be put on you by your friends and family. It does not matter the kind of gender a child belongs (male or female). What matters the most is the kind of upbringing of the kid and the time, resources, energy you invest in them. If all your children turn out to be girls or boys, do not give birth to more kids, because no gender is better than the other.
3. When to leave your marriage when the need calls for it. All things being equal, no one has the desire of leaving his or her marriage after stepping into it. Nevertheless, if need be that you should leave to save your life and have peace of mind devoid endless tears and pains, you should make that decision for yourself without allowing anyone to play a part in that decision. Besides, uneasy lies the head that wears the crown. Do not allow "what people will say" to tie you down when you know within yourself that staying put will cause you more harm than good.
It is your life, your marriage. Be fully responsible for what should happen and what should not happen in it without allowing anyone to interfere.
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