If you’ve recently found out that your boyfriend or husband has been cheating on you, your mind is probably going a million miles an hour, trying to figure out what to do next and what to make of it all. If so, this is completely understandable. No one can be expected to think clearly at a time like this. Confusion is normal during the aftermath of infidelity. The best thing to do right now is to sit down and take a breath. Take a few days of "your time" to collect yourself and decompress. You don’t have to do anything right now except to take care of yourself. And when you’re ready to take action, here are eleven things to do when you find out he cheated in order to start recovering and repair the damage
1. Let him know
No more sitting on the sidelines while he keeps scoring. He needs to know how you feel and how deeply impacted you are by the hurt from his betrayal. Get him to listen to you until you’re sure he comprehends what you’re saying.
2. Don’t beg to save the relationship
Don’t do it for the kids or for him. Think about yourself. How will this impact you in the long run? Will the relationship still be full of promise and growth?
3. Don’t make any hasty decisions.
You might want to leave him in hysterics or run back into his arms immediately. Slow down and let the dust start to settle before taking any decisive action. The sense of urgency you have right now is an emotional trap, one that might leave you full of regret if you do something you can’t take back.
4. Expect and accept only the best from here on out.
Attitude is everything when it comes to recovering from infidelity. Have faith in yourself and only spend time with people who appreciate you.
5. Be patient.
This is crucial no matter what you decide to do about the relationship. Whatever decision you make, it will take time for all this confusion to resolve itself in your head.
6. Don’t waste time trying to get even
One of the ways girls get back at their cheating ex is to spread rumors that are not true. It might make you feel better for a little while, but in the end, you just make yourself look even more devalued. It may not seem that way to you, but it sure looks that way to everyone else. Don’t lower yourself by retaliating, but say to yourself, ” I’m too good for that. Some people try to retaliate by doing something to hurt themselves. That doesn’t make much sense, but it still happens. Girls have been known to date guys they do not like at all in order to get back at the guy they love.
7. Get tested
If you and your partner had been together for a long time and were fluid bonded (or beyond using barrier method contraception), which is often the case for people who are in longterm monogamous situations or folks who were open to conceiving, you want to take the time to check in on your health. Make an appointment with your doctor and get yourself tested for STIs. better to be safe than sorry.
8. Embrace acceptance
Accept the fact that, sometimes, you just have to let go. Sometimes we can sit in denial. You know he cheated, but you still want to make an excuse for him. Learning to accept that he decided to cheat is essential. You deserve so much more than someone who would betray you like this. You deserve to be loved by someone who will stay true to you and that someone is out there, somewhere, waiting for the right time to come into your life.
9. Forgive but do not forget
My boyfriend cheated on me. This sucks and is something you cannot erase from your mind. What you can do is forgive. While this sounds impossible, considering the state of affairs *and your heart* right now, you can forgive him. This is not for his sake, but for yours. Forgiveness allows you to free yourself from anger, pain, and resentment. You don’t want to hold a grudge for the rest of your life. It’s actually a favor you do yourself.
10. Don’t dwell on it
While it’s alright to be sad and angry and to cry out due to loss, betrayal, and heartbreak, you don’t have to feel this way forever. Give yourself time to cry, but don’t dwell on the past. You are sad, but that doesn’t have to take over your life. He wasn’t your whole life, just a part of it. And looking back, not that great of a part. You have to move on. This is why forgiveness does wonders for your broken heart.
11. Know your worth
Build yourself back up. Don’t let him have control over how you feel about yourself. If you can rebuild your confidence and know what you deserve, you can move for feeling happier than ever before. It is possible. Sure, it might take some time, but knowing that you are worthy of having an amazing boyfriend who would never cheat is what will get you there.
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