It is quite sad when we contemplate the misconceptions around submission nowadays. As the world becomes more and more modernized, it is regrettable to say that the knowledge of subjects like submission is becoming more and more diminished. All kinds of understanding and practice has come about as a result of this one side thinking or belief. The problems caused by this type of wrong belief systems are enormous and hence, there is a need for more and more advocacy and enlightenment to be thrown along this line of thought else, what the future holds for marriage and a successful union is oblique and its possibilities seems entirely maligned. Thus, bear with me a little as I make an attempt to narrate to you what true submission is.
Now, when we talk about submission many people think it is a one sided thing. Many husbands for example thinks that submission is only meant for the wives and hence, the husbands think they can tell the wives anything and they are required to carry it out without questioning or having an opinion about it. Of course, I am not talking about wives who continuously nag and try to dominate their husbands and in the event that the husbands refuse to oblique then, a major problem arises and there is pandemonium in the house, leading to quarrels, fights and even divorce.
We cannot fully explain mysteries like these without going back to the originator of marriage and visiting the template he had installed for man. I mean, the philosophies of man can not save anyone because, man is fallible and he is as unreliable as intermittent streams thus, the reliance on their wisdom may not fully address this subject adequately. Yes, there is a place for philosophies and theories of man especially when these theories and philosophies have being proven over the years but the sad truth is that, people vary and their experiences vary thus, no one can expect that others would have the same experience as theirs. One man's food can be another man's poison because, I have seen people eat frogs and worms and survived up till this present moment but I cannot contemplate the eating of any of these. So, should one make a doctrine on how eating frogs or worms can strengthen the immune systems so that others including me can try? I guess not because, I will not try this method.
Seeing how human philosophies can fail us greatly, it is expedient for us to visit the book that can never fail and that is the bible. In Genesis 2:18-25, we see a graphic picture of how marriage was instituted by God for the well being of man. It was God that saw that the man was alone and that it was not good for the man to be alone thus, God made him a help meet for him in the person of a woman. It is quite sad that many men never think that their wives are their help meet. Now, they were both together and very happy until Satan come in Genesis 3 to beguile the woman who was meant to be a helper to convince the man to eat of the forbidden fruit that was in the garden of Eden whom God said, "They should not eat." Here, we notice and realize that the major cause of problems in marriage is Satan the devil, he is never happy that a family is bubbling with life and enjoying their union thus, he comes in to scatter it and hence, issues like submission becomes a big problem in marriage. No wonder, man lost his dominion because they refused to follow the laid down rules and regulation of God for them. The question is: will you also disobey?
If we move further into the bible in Ephesians 5, you will see why it is good to be submissive to your husbands (verse 22 precisely). But there is a condition here that we must iron out because, when the bible talks about submission, it doesn't say submission in things that are ungodly. For example, I heard a woman who narrated her story about how her husband told her to sleep with a man so that they can get money for rent and when she refused, the husband beat her up mercilessly. Things like these are disgraceful and despicable to say the least and should not be heard amongst couples. If the template in the bible is followed then, even the man will never make submission hard for the woman. You cannot imagine a man who refuses to cook for his wife when she is not feeling strong or even help her wash some plates or clothes when she is ill or in need of it. The man prefers to pile up the clothes for the woman saying that when she recovers, she will do her job. These are the type of people that makes submission hard for their wives and should change if they really want their wives to submit genuinely to them.
If you take time to read Ephesians 5, you would realize that the more you love God as a man, the more you will love you wife and the more a woman loves God, the more she is able to submit to her husband. Thus, in my opinion, never seek to love your husband or wife but rather seek to love God wholeheartedly and then, loving your wife or submitting to your husband will flow naturally because, it is impossible to love God and hate your husband or wife. Now, when you move further to read in Colossians 3: 16-18, you will notice that submission is actually meant for the husband and the wife and not only the wife as many presupposes. You cannot claim to love your wife and refuse to take her input or contribution whenever you want to execute plans as a husband. You must realize that the more you show love and concern to your wife, the more easily she will submit to you. It is in your love that submission is made possible. Therefore, receive the help from your help meet.
How many women pretend today to be submissive to their husbands? They have never seen any reason for them to submit easily because, the husbands have never shown love but expect submission which is not possible. If you are not showing love but expect submission, you can only get at best, a pretense from your wife thus, return back to your role of loving your wife by totally loving God then, loving your wife would be made easy and submission to your husband will also be made easy.
The issue of submission is a very broad topic but I believe it starts with the love of God, if this is done then, problems in the marriage such as submission will be the least thing to contemplate or handle in marriage. It is the will of God for you to enjoy your marriage thus, quit seeking for advice from neighbors because, they will not help you. Turn to the template God has set for you and start enjoying your marriage, it is said that "A man and a woman shall leave his father and mother and join to his husband or wife and they two shall become one." We cannot claim to know more than God for nothing is new under the sun. The earlier we take the right steps, the better for all of us. Submission is not forced, it is earned and the people of God can only perish for lack of knowledge thus, get knowledge and move above all the limitation of life. Thank you.
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