As a parent going through or already divorced, how are the communications between you and your ex or soon to be ex? And more importantly, in what ways are the current dynamics affecting your children? Have you stopped to even think about this?
Reflecting back to the beginning of your relationship, think about the excitement, the anticipation, the romance, and the wonderful conversations the two of you used to have. Did it seem like the two of you could talk about anything and everything? I bet the bond between the two of you was magnetic!
This magical connection between the two of you has now faded into oblivion at this point of your separation or divorce situation, surely in large part due to the breakdown in communications and the evident disconnect. What led to the discord, and why did it happen? What changed? Or maybe a more to the point question, is "Who changed?" Do you remember the specific time when things began to shift? Did listening stop and reactive behavior start? When it comes to divorce, more often than not, one "side" either stops caring about listening or starts being triggered by things the other says or does.
When frustration and anger take over, it's often due to things being taken personally, which is what triggers a reaction. The reactions are most often defensive or anger-based and all too typically lead to an ongoing battle between the two of you. There is great irony when you take things personally. The reactions of your ex-spouse more than likely have little or nothing to do with you and everything to do with their own past experiences and relationships.
Yet, a fear deep inside of you is triggered, leading to reactionary behavior filled with disdain, defensiveness, frustration, anger, and resentment. The further irony is that when you react, the ex then takes your words and behavior personally, which serves to further trigger their own imbedded fears,throwing more fuel on the already reactionary inferno.
This becomes a vicious cycle that is extremely difficult to stop.
The worst part of it all, is the impact on your children. There can be emotional and psychological trauma which can negatively affect their own future relationships and their life. As a parent, everything you say and do sets an example for, teaches, and impacts your children. Even when they are not present during an interaction between you and their other parent.
How is this possible? Because both you and the other are angry, and without realizing it, you react to things your kids say or do instead of remaining calm and good natured. You are also emanating energy fueled by the fiery heat of the overwhelming emotions that led you to react in the first place.
The example you set in the relationship with your ex, your children's other parent, is how they subconsciously believe relationships are supposed to be. This is worth repeating... How you interact with your ex-spouse is how you're your children believe relationships will be for them. This can absolutely impact your children's future relationships.
Be cognizant of the impact of your words, choices, actions, and reactions, on your ex, on you, and on your children. There is a consequence, a ripple effect for every choice you make, especially the choices you make pertaining to how you are handling the situation with your children's other parent. Whether you realize it or not, your children are caught and entrenched in the middle.
When you STOP taking what your ex says or does personally and START being calm and rationally thinking things through, you can set into motion a dramatic shift that will benefit everyone, especially your children, but also you. You will set a more positive example for your kids. They will be more balanced and happier. You will also be decreasing your own frustration, anxiety, and anger. Yes, this in turn will have additional positive impact on your own health!
How do you begin to create this shift in communications and to stop taking things personally from your ex? By gleaning Clarity for what you really want to create for your kids and by laser honing-in on the reason WHY you want to do this. For me, this was absolutely and completely about my very young daughter. Yes, your children are the reason that is so much bigger than you or your ex. Your kids are the WHY you need to STOP making it personal and START making it about your kids... for their sake, and yours.
The EX-Factor Philosophy
The mission of The EX-Factor is to help entrepreneur dads of divorce realize that it is possible to create an environment of divorce where their children are thriving, even if the ex refuses to work together to co-parent.
It may take two to tango, but it only takes one to make a shift that has a beneficial impact on your children. The EX-Factor shares and teaches insights and guidance so you can create such a shift.
Content created and supplied by: Asef.Ernest (via Opera News )