Sign in
Download Opera News App

Relationships Parenting Wedding

 

Love relationship

 

Dating Romantic

The 5 Stages Of Love and The Reason Why Many Married Couples Stop At Stage 3

People do want true, everlasting love, whether we're in the 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, or beyond. Too many marriages are falling apart, and most people don't really know why. They 're mistaken to think that they've selected the wrong mate. We start searching again after going through the mourning process.

Yet after I meditate on this,I've found that most people are searching for love in all the wrong ways. We don't realize that Stage 3 is not the end, but the very beginning of true, lasting love:

Stage 1: Falling In Love

Stage 2: Becoming a Couple

Stage 3: Disillusionment

Stage 4: Creating The Real and Lasting Love

Stage 5: Using the Power of Two to Change the World

Stage 1: Falling in Love

Falling in love is the strategy of nature to get us to choose a mate so that our species continues. It starts to feel so wonderful because we are awash with hormones such as dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, testosterone, and estrogen. Falling in love is also wonderful as we transfer all our hopes and dreams to our lover.We hope that they might satisfy our dreams, that they will give us all the things which we didn't get as children, that they will deliver on all the commitments that our previous relationships have failed to fulfill. We 're sure we're going to stay in love forever. And when we're beset by "heart hormones," we don't know much about that.

While we're in love, we say no to George Bernard Shaw, a curmudgeon who warned:

"When two persons are under the influence of the most violent, the most mad, the most delusive, and the most transient of passions, they are obliged to swear that they will remain in that exhilarating, peculiar, and exhausting state continually until they die."

 Stage 2: Becoming a Couple

At this stage, our love strengthens and we come together as a couple. It is a time when we have children and we are raising them. When we're past the child-bearing point, it's the time when our couple's relationship deepens and grows. It's a season of happiness and togetherness. We know what the other person likes and extend our individual lives to start building a "two of us" life.

In this process, we experience less of falling head-over healing feelings of "love." We feel more of a connection with our partner. We 're feeling warm and buddly. Intercourse may not be as wild, but it is profoundly satisfying. We feel protected, cared for, loved, and appreciated. We 're feeling near and safe. We always think that this is the true degree of passion, and we want it to go on forever.

Stage 3: Disillusionment

Nobody has told us something about Stage 3 in knowing love and marriage. Stage 3 is where some marriages collapsed, and this is the beginning of the end for too many relationships. This is a moment when things are beginning to feel terrible. This can happen slowly, or it can feel like a switch is turned and something goes wrong. Small things are beginning to worry us. We feel less hated and more cared for.

We 're getting more irritable and frustrated or upset and withdrawn. We may stay busy at work or with the family, but frustration is on the rise. We 're wondering where the person we once loved has gone. When we are searching for the passion we once had, and we don't know where everything went or how to get it back.

This is a time we often get sick in body, mind, and soul. In our marriage, Carlin and I both began having problems with our hearts (heartache?) and were diagnosed with atrial fibrillation. I began having serious problems with erections. To be truthful, there were times when it was miserable, and we both thought about leaving the relationship.One or other person wants others out, or sometimes they go on "living together," but they don't always feel intimate.

Yet we didn't give up, we just kept driving. There's an old proverb, "Don't stop while you're going through hell." That appears to be true of this period of life. The positive side of Stage 3 is that a lot of our illusions about ourselves and our partner burn away with the heat.

We've got a chance to become more caring and enjoy the person we 're with, not the expectations we've put on them as our "ideal friend."

Stage 4: Creating Real and Long Lasting Love*

One of the benefits of addressing unhappiness in Stage 3 is that we can get to the heart of what triggers suffering and conflict. We all have wounds, and the wounds need healing if we are to have a relationship that is both true and caring.

It is more rewarding than being with a partner who knows you and likes you regardless of who you are. They realize that your hurtful conduct is not because you are cruel and unloving, but because you have been injured in the past and you still struggle with the past. When we understand and embrace our partner, we will learn to love ourselves more profoundly.

Stage 5: Using the Power of Two to Change the World

No one would have to remind us that the world is not doing all that well. There are simultaneous battles and conflicts. Ethnic discrimination seems to be everywhere. We 're curious if humans will survive. I wondered, "If we can't find peace between two people who love each other, what chance do we have of creating a world that will function for all its peoples?

And now I'm looking at other side of the question. If we can learn to overcome our differences and discover real, everlasting love in our relationships, then maybe we can work together to find real, having endured love in the world.

I believe that each and every couple has the opportunity to use the "power of two" to address some aspect of the world's problems that affect their lives.

God will give you Wisdom, knowledge and understanding in your marriage. amen.

Content created and supplied by: Prince1983 (via Opera News )

Falling In Love

COMMENTS

Load app to read more comments