Things About Marriage That You can Never Learn in Schoo
1. You can't give what you don't already have. You have to be happy and at peace with yourself before you can create a happy, peaceful, harmonious marriage.
Marriage won't make you happy. Only you can do that. If you're not happy with yourself and your life when you get married, nothing will change significantly afterwards.
2. Frequent emotional housekeeping is required for intimacy to thrive. It doesn't take long for a marriage to develop serious problems when emotional debris from unresolved conflicts and issues piles up.
This is why good communication is important. Couples who can't talk about their differences and resolve conflict are at high risk for divorce. Feelings of passion, emotional intimacy, and heartfelt connection are all dependent on good communication.
3. The words you say are important, so pick them carefully. You can't expect the spouse you called a "witch" or "fool" at 8:00 p.m. to be thrilled at the thought of sex with you at 9:00 p.m.
By the words you use in your interactions with your partner, you impact how your spouse feels about you. Harsh, unkind words fuel anger, resentment, and bitterness. Kind words build rapport, respect, and caring.
The words you use to yourself and others when talking about your spouse and your marriage are also important. When you devalue someone or something verbally, it affects your feelings and perceptions. Negativity spreads like a virus.
4. Just because you dislike your partner intensely at the moment doesn't mean that you don't love him or her. It's normal to have mixed feelings toward your spouse at times.
Sometimes your inner two year old will appear in your reactions you know, the one who could stomp his feet and scream "I hate you, Mommy!" when he didn't get his own way. There are times when spouses can't stand each other and the feelings of closeness and connection lessen. But that doesn't mean that the marriage is over or that the love is permanently gone.
5. Success in marriage, as in life, is an inside job. The breakthroughs happen when you take responsibility for your actions and attitudes and focus on what changes you can make to improve the relationship.
It's important to learn how to stay centered and balanced emotionally as much as possible, and that requires inner work on yourself. Learning to be more self-aware will help you better understand your part in creating the present situation.
6. There's no end to growth. There's always something else to experience and learn. You can always improve your relationship skills and grow more as a person.
Unlike school where you eventually get a diploma if you meet the requirements, you never "graduate" from relationship school. Just when you think you've learned to keep your equilibrium in your relationship, something is sure to throw you off balance as if to test you.
And in the areas where you resist growth, you'll find yourself endlessly repeating unproductive patterns. Then you have a choice to stay stuck or keep on growing.
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