Insecurity is an ugly thing that can suffocate your partner and relationship too. It is a feeling that occurs when you feel inadequate in some way. Well, it is normal to have self-doubts sometimes but its consistent re-occurrence is not a good sign and can be an hindrance in the success of your intimate relationship. What ruins relationships and causes most fights is insecurity.’ It’s true. Chronic insecurity can lead to actions that can be unattractive. Jealousy, accusation, and snooping can make your partner feel pissed off.
1. To tackle insecurity, firstly you need to understand where it comes from.
Well, its emergence is from within. It is a result of loss of self-esteem, self-value, and irrelevant comparisons. When you start judging yourself harshly and feel less in some thing or the other, you develop insecurities like what if your partner is cheating on you or what if he is not interested in you anymore. This feeling also arises as a result of negative experiences in the past.
2. Build your self esteem
Insecurities are tough suckers to get rid of. They are the lice of your emotional stability - Annoying and really hard to banish. Building your self-esteem is the only way to get rid of your insecurities (or at least, keep them at bay) How can you do this? Practice self care, start exercising, or doing something you really love. It's best to work on one habit you’d like to get rid of, and one you’d like to create.
3. Stop overthinking.
If your partner says they want to hang out just with their friends one night and without you, don't take this as a personal slight. Not everything your partner does is meant to hurt you in some way. Just like them falling asleep before you have the chance to have sex doesn't mean they're cheating or uninterested it probably means they're tired.
4. Give your partner's Space.
For a healthy relationship, you need to be willing to give your partner space. I know if you're feeling insecure or jealous, space is not what you need. But giving your partner space can help prevent them from feeling smothered or attacked. It can also give you a great opportunity to pursue your own interests and work on maintaining your own social life. Doing things on your own can help boost your confidence and remind yourself that you still have a life outside of your romantic relationship.
5. Cut off your comparisons.
When we focus on comparing ourselves or our relationships to others, we open the door to disappointment. This is a difficult habit to just go cold-turkey on, because it’s simply part of our nature. But what we can control is our exposure to it! Simply limiting your social media time can go a long way towards achieving this goal.
6. Cultivate confidence.
The best antidote to self-doubt is self-confidence. How do you materialize more of it? One idea is that you can keep a nightly journal where you write down one thing you did you were proud of from the day - and then the next morning, read your last few entries. What more encouraging way could you think of to start the day?
7. Trust in yourself
Feeling secure in a relationship depends on trusting the other person but, more importantly, on learning to trust yourself. Trust yourself to know that no matter what the other person does, you will take care of you. Trust yourself to know that you won’t ignore your inner voice when it tells you that something isn’t right
8. Take Responsibility for Your Feelings
In her book, Hold Me Tight Dr. Sue Johnson teaches us to “claim our own feelings”. Vulnerability with your partner can lead to uncovering and confronting insecurities. Claiming your feelings is an opportunity to move past projection and defensiveness, and reconnect with your partner.
9. If you need help, ask for it.
In the previous step, if you discovered that your insecurity is rooted in something deeper, like past trauma or repressed experiences, you owe it to yourself to process those emotions properly. Reach out to a therapist, psychiatrist, or simply find a support group. This is a critical step if you find out that your insecurities run deeper than you originally thought.
10. Value Yourself
It is important to have respect for yourself if you want others to have that for you. Think about your positives instead of negatives. Show your trustworthy, loving, or caring side to your partner. These personality traits are loved by everyone. Focus on what you have and offer them to your beloved. In case, you are not getting the same response in return or even the acknowledgement, you need not worry. Remember that everything happens for good and if the person doesn’t seem to care, it is better for you that he is out of your life.
11. Be Independent
You should have your own identity and ability to manage your needs yourself. It can help you build a healthy relationship with someone. When you are independent, you feel secure about your relationship. Having a life of your own can keep your busy and your partner interested in you to have conversation and meetings
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