Since Big Brother went on a break, many lovers of reality TV shows have since shifted their attention to the new show tagged 'Ultimate Love'. The premise of the show is to bring single people together with the prospect of love relationships being formed and the hopeful end game is marriage. The winners of the show will have their wedding sponsored and they would be given other material and cash gifts. Sounds amazing right?
For me, the attraction to the show has been about understudying the love guests' personalities. Soon, I noticed Obichukwu and Ebiteinye. My attention was first drawn to Ebi because of her 'brokeness'. She cried at the drop of a hat. She was moody all through the speed dating process because the guys she ended up with for the day showed little or no interest in her. I wondered what had happened to this 26 year old (many don't believe this age though), chubby lady. She was not bad to look at, in fact she is what we will call endowed especially for men who love them thick 😉.
Then, during a chat session with Aunty it all came out. She had both Mummy and Daddy issues! Her father had rejected her mother when she was pregnant with her. Ebi's mother had left her with her grandmother and gone ahead to marry another man. She was never part of her mother's or father's life. When she tried to reconnect with her father, she didn't meet the warm reception she hoped to. Wow! I finally understood her.
As tension arose in the house over the final matching of couples, Obichukwu who had previously showed no serious interest in Ebi began to warm up to her. They sort of came to an agreement to choose each other. Earlier, Ebi had cried in the toilet because Obi had told her he isn't physically attracted to her.
Hereto, Obi had come across as someone who liked to hold his own in the house. He always had a hint of 'righteousness' to his talk which earned him the tag of 'pastor' by other love guests such as Rosie. But I noticed another side of him the day couples were matched. He had raved behind David, calling him a coward for leading Rosie on and choosing Presh instead. But when Obi and David stood face to face, he became a mouse, telling David he understood his dilemma! Obi! Two-faced much! 😒😏. Since that day, I was on the lookout for him.
Here are some toxic tendencies depicted in ObiEbi's relationship:
1. Obi isolates Ebi
When you love someone, you don't try to keep them all to yourself. That is ownership which is a form of obsession. No human beings owns another human. If you isolate a loved one, it is likely you're trying to keep them away from gaining insight into your emotional abuse. There are several examples when Obi refused Ebi relating with other love guests. Ebi and Rosie had shared a close friendship before. So, when Ebi tried to leave Obi one day to be with her friend, he refused saying; 'He doesn't trust her (Rosie) again'.
2. Obi wants to change Ebi
Many people turn their lovers into a project. It is very wrong. You don't aspire to change your partner rather you celebrate their strengths, recognise their flaws and come to a compromise. When your partner sees your effort to accomodate their excesses, they will want to change on their own. Obi kept complaining about Ebi making her feel less than enough. Even though, she now had a man she had desperately wanted, most of the time she appeared moody because he wasn't allowing her to be herself.
3. Ebi's desperation makes her helpless
There's nothing good about desperation. It makes you a target for others to control. There are people who believe Obi may have gone for Chris instead but he didn't because he knew he wouldn't be able to exert control over her as he does with Ebi.
Ebi's desperation made her settle for anyone with no thought for her emotional health.
4. Obi increased the love tempo when he noticed resistance
There is only so much you can do before you push a person to the wall. Ebi started to get her confidence and question Obi. When Obi noticed his control slipping away, he became physically affectionate. Before then, he had rarely touched her, not even holding hands. Ebi had first said she liked that he wasn't all touchy feely with her but it soon became obvious that she desired the same kind of PDA other couples were showing.
I was alarmed when I saw trends online showing ObiEbi as couple goals! I realised many must be in toxic relationships which they are confusing for love. To my relief, Aunty finally called Obi out on his seeming 'overprotection' and 'isolation' of Ebi. He was all defensive but he seemed to have backed down a bit now.
Personally, I feel Ebi needs therapy before venturing into any love relationship. She will continue to search and find love in wrong places if she doesn't resolve her Mummy and Daddy issues. Finding a man is not her problem. Knowing that she is worthy of love and a complete unique creation is the first quest she needs to embark on. Right now, her happiness is based on having Obi, what happens after the show if things don't work out the way she had hoped?
To every lady out there, stop using a man's love to validate yourself. You need to love yourself first in order to be treated right by others.
***Before you start frothing at the mouth about me hating anyone, know that I have written this from an objective stance and I do not 'fan' any of the house guests.
So what do you think of ObiEbi?
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