I wrote an article where I discussed the issue of Ask Your Partner these Questions Before Marriage
One of the questions looked at in that article is about family lives.
The type of family you want to raise is important. They would have been part of your dream right from childhood.
I dream of having large family of ten children, says the woman.
The husband reply, I want only two children.
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You can see the origin of problem in that marriage. If this is left unresolved before tying the knot, it will always be an issue of conflict with the couple.
Therefore, questions like these needed to be answers and agreed upon before marriage.
1.Do you plan to have children?
2. How soon into the marriage?
3. How many children?
4. Who is going to stay at home to cater for them? (This is essential when the woman is the career type of wife and she is not ready to lose her career progression to taking care of the babies)
5. What type of education will your children have?
6. How early will they start school?
7. Does your partner support homeschooling or you are going to send your children to public or private school?
8. If the two of you share different religions, what would be your children’s religion? Is the other partner okay your resolution on that?
In this sequel, due to people request, you will need to sincerely answer some questions yourself before going down the aisle with him/her.
This is necessary as marriage is an institution that is meant to create love, happiness, joy, and protection from all negatives influence coming from the society. The lack of knowing who you are and your partner before marital union always come back to hurt the union; either by divorce or one of the couple is unhappy about the whole arrangement.
Sometimes ago, I came about a song track on my phone (even though I am not the type that listen to music!) “Getting to Know You, Getting to Know All About You.”
In essence, marriage requires knowing All About Your Partner. The beginning of a successful marriage starts with not holding up any secrets that can come up later in life to hurt the relationship.
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The following questions usually indicated doom in your relationship and the earlier you start re-programming your brain to the reality on the ground the better.
1.Have you ever ask your partner “Are you really sure you love me?” severally?
Or you are constantly demanding from him/her to reaffirm his/her love for you.
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This shows that you need reaffirmation from him/her, right? Wrong. It is only a telltale about your low self-esteem. A partner that have low self-esteem of him/herself will always be a doubting Thomas.
Constant reassurance from the other partner will boost her/his morale.
However, going into marriage where you constantly want affirmation from your partner is an indication of mistrust of the love the other person has for you. This will be a potential rock that is going to rock your ship of marital bliss.
In this situation, I would advice you seek counseling prior to marriage.
2.If most of your time together is mark by quarrels and disagreements
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Quarrels and conflict that never got resolved, then marriage with such person is suicidal, believe me.
Your character during engagement will tell a lot about what you should expect in marriage.
Although one cannot rule out pretentious people that only shows their true self after marriage, but your instinct would have been giving your several warning about him which you fail to process because you are in love.
3.Living together before marriage is your ideal way of knowing each other, I strongly advice against it.
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It will hurt all your chances of having a lasting and fulfilling marital life. Nothing is new to each other again. You have seen it all. The bad, the good and the ugly side of each other.
4. How do you feel after hanging out with your partner, or going out on a date and yet either of you feel intolerable from the outing?
If you cannot tolerate yourself before marriage, why be together and still be thinking of marital union.
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You have already brought along with you the killer of your marriage; your excruciating feeling of intolerance to each other.
5. If the two of you are word and opposite, my dear, what delights you that make you think you are compatible(maybe handsomeness/beauty, he is a great sex machine, even though sex before marriage is another issue for another day) will eventually be a pain in the marriage life, trust me.
6.If you were to marry him/her right away, please tell me in what way would you maintain a decent and healthy “interdependence”?
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In what area would you depend solely on your partner? What area would you feel right and free to take personal responsibility for?
Remember, you are two distinct individual joins together by marriage. Yet that those not means you lose your individuality.
It is essential to have an understanding of who does what for whom and what one does for oneself.
For example, in some tribe, the husband’s responsibility extends to the wife’s parents. This needed to be address by the partners before going all out for marriage.
7. You were once in a relationship that did not work out. Now ask yourself what have you learned in that relationship that will make you a better partner and added value for someone at this time?
Your ability to give a reasonable answer will help the new relationship attain that next level.
8. You need to answer this crucial question: To what extent are you are spender or saver? If you are a spender, what will be your partner’s reaction to this? Remember most money spender do not care about the future, the present is their goal. Your partner is a saver, how will you reconcile this situation.
You need to have a solid solution to this; else it could lead to disastrous ending in your marital bondage.
9.What was your life prior to meeting your current partner? You need to understand that changes would have occurred in each relationship you were before this partner you are willing to give your entire life to. Are those changes healthy or unhealthy?
Healthy changes usually involve accommodation and reconciliation while unhealthy change would have modified the person you are.
You need to examine and sincerely answer all these before you say “I do.”
My dear, love is a mysterious phenomenon that spiraled you off your feet when you are hit by the cupid arrow of Love.
The tendency to feel that he/she is the right person for you.
You have finally found your soulmate and just can’t wait to marry him/her.
But, please wait. Pause for a moment.
Ask yourself these crucial questions I have mentioned above.
If you can proffer sincere answers to them, then off you go with him/her and damn all other issues, and pronounce that vow; “Till death do us apart!”, and may the God Lord bless your union.
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If you have other questions you think you need to ask yourself before marriage, you can add them on the comments section.
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