I have been with my boyfriend for 14 months now. He lives 3 miles away so every weekend we take turns visiting eachother.
Sometimes we spend longer together and I have stayed with him for up to a month.
He wants me to move in with him but the thing is he has a son. He hasnt been a huge part of the relationship so far. When i first started dating my bf he had 3 hour supervised visitation once a fortnight for months.
It then progressed to unsupervised day visits once a fortnight and then to an overnight stay once a fortnight.
As of a few days ago, he gets his son from friday to sundays every 2 weeks. I have spoken to him about his plans for the future with his son and it seems he is aiming for shared custody.
I'm very proud of the progress he has made with his son and am happy he wants to be apart of his life.
As someone who loves him, I fully support the steps he is taking to be apart of his sons life as much as he can. But speaking as an individual with my own wants and needs,
I dont think I am up for being in a serious long term relationship with someone with shared custody.
I feel like such a piece of trash because I have known he has a son this whole time. I just really liked him and his son wasnt in the picture at all for the first 8 months.
I knew his visitations would progress but I thought maybe my midset would change and id just give it a go. It hasnt and now that shared custody is on the table for the future I just have no idea what to do.
I love him lots I just dont love the idea of being a step mum at 21. When its every second weekend, I feel I can manage but the thought of moving in with him to eventually be a shared custody step mum just doesnt sit well within me.
I dont want to mess with a childs emotional state at all, so I need to decide what im doing soon before things with my bf and I get too serious and I form a relationship with his son.
I feel like a horrible person because deep down i know i need to break things off since i cant be what he needs for him or his son but im so scared of how much its going to hurt because I do honestly love him.
I'm also scared that no one else will ever love me or ill never get that with someone again. I have been selfish with selfish thoughts and i cant let them stand in the way of whats right its just so hard when youre in love with someone but know you should probably end things because your long term interets dont align.
I'm sorry if seems long with no direction. No one in my life will give me any advice, they just say "you have to make your own decisions" and leave it at that. I know i need to make my own decisions I just need somewhere to talk it out and get some outside perspective because i am full of mixed emotion and confusion.
What do I do about being unsure about committing to a relationship with someone with a child?
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