Love, they say, is a beautiful thing and the basic foundation of every relationship. However, those who have been in love can tell you love is not enough to sustain a relationship.
This is evident in the number of couples that are divorced, relationships that are broken. I don’t want to go into statistics but I’m sure you are aware of the high rate at which people divorce or break up these days.
We can’t overlook the fact that these people were once in love.
Why then couldn’t love hold them together forever? Wow, that’s a big question and I’m sure you are wondering so too.
First, you should understand that love is a motivation for a relationship but doesn’t guarantee or determine its workability.
By workability, I mean to say love doesn’t ultimately determine whether or not the relationship would work.
That’s why you see women who endure abusive relationships, but for how long can love take them?
Do you think the men who beat their partners don’t love them? They do, they just don’t know any better and lack the virtues I will be teaching you briefly.
I hope you know that you can fall out of love – if some things are not in place – the same way you fell in love. This proves one thing – love is enough to start a relationship, but not enough to sustain or determine its workability.
3 Things Needed to Sustain a Relationship
Simply, the basic ingredient every relationship needs to survive forever is WISDOM. The importance of this element in any relationship cannot be overruled.
However, we have streamlined this element into three subcategories: Wisdom of Utterance, Wisdom of Patience, and Wisdom of Reciprocity.
#1. Wisdom of Utterance
This borders on how and what you say to your partner. Although this factor is often overlooked especially by males, it is an ingredient that has separated many relationships.
The wisdom of utterance has to do with being cautious with your words. The ability to absolve situations, process, and analyse before giving a response.
The problem is, we mostly react rather than respond. No! Relax, absolve, process, analyse then respond.
It is normal to find things that displease you in a relationship and it is normal to be angry. But, it is your responsibility to guard what comes out of your mouth at those times.
Say, you are angry at your partner and for that, you called her names like “disgusting”, “terrible”, “failure”.
You know that your anger can subside but those words you have said cannot be unsaid.
Imagine anger is written all over your face but you still manage to use words like “baby”, “beautiful”, “my joy, why haven’t you made dinner?”.
What do you think would be the outcome of that relationship?
Guide your utterance – It is wisdom.
#2. Wisdom of Patience
According to Wikipedia, Patience is the ability to endure difficult circumstances. Patience may involve perseverance in the face of delay; tolerance of provocation without responding in disrespect/anger; or forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties.
Understand that your partner may not be the perfect person you want but with patience, you can carve out perfection.
Many people don’t understand this and so, they are quick to end a relationship in search of a greener pasture.
You can never find anyone that is perfect for you. You have to grow into perfection and that requires a lot of patience.
You may have seen people who leave their partner for someone they feel is “better” or has something their partners don’t. What you may not know is that they also aren’t perfect. With time, you will find someone better. What do you do then? Leave for an even greener pasture?
You will always find people who “seem” better than your partner but – if you can be patient – your partner can be the best of all you ever want/need.
She doesn’t dress well, he doesn’t spend time with me, she doesn’t know how to cook, he is stingy. Be patient, it can be learnt.
The wisdom of patience is a virtue. Learn it.
#3. Wisdom of Reciprocity
Whatever you want your partner to do, do it first.
Imagine you and your partner goes off to work as early as 4 am and returns just about the same time, say 7 pm.
Then you tell her to prepare pounded yam for you. Put yourself in her shoes – she’s just as much tired as you are.
Truth is, some things are just unkind, forget culture. Why don’t you just help out and do it together?
Even if she doesn’t isn’t working – probably stays at home with the children. The fact that she doesn’t go anywhere doesn’t mean she is not doing anything. If not, stay home with the kids for a day, you will know why wahala be like bicycle.
It is simple – Whatever you dish out, make sure you're able to take the same.
PS: This was adapted from a teaching by Pst Muyiwa Areo of CLC, Ilorin.
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