Couples fighting is entirely normal – and healthy. You're two distinct individuals who will occasionally hold opposing viewpoints. You may have heard of some of the basic tactics for fighting fairly, such as only using statements that begin with "I" or not calling people names. What you may not realize, however, is that how you act after a dispute can be just as significant to your relationship as what you say in the heat of battle. Whether you're over it or actively working on that forgive-and-forget thing, here are 7 behaviors to avoid.
1. Don't dismiss your partner's demand for privacy
When one partner gets overwhelmed during a disagreement, they may be unable to organize their thoughts, which is why it's critical to respect when they say, "I need a break." If your partner needs a little time to cool off and gather their thoughts, it's natural to feel apprehensive; if this happens, take a few deep breaths and consider how you'd want to be treated if the roles were reversed. Recognize that it isn't about you.
2. Avoid having an all-or-nothing mindset
Try to have an open mind after a strong dispute with your partner. It's easy to fall into black-or-white thinking when you're in the middle of a conflict. Using language like "you always" or "never" will never resolve an argument, so once things have calmed down, take a step back and evaluate the disagreement from your partner's perspective.
3. Don't turn your back on them
It's fine if you need some distance after a disagreement, as long as you let them know. Stonewalling is one of the most common blunders people do after an altercation. If you dismiss or neglect your spouse, they may believe you're punishing them, which may cause them to be reluctant to express their feelings in the future. "My emotions don't fade as quickly as yours," remark instead, "but give me 24 hours and I'm sure everything will be OK." If not, we may talk about it further."
4. Keep their words out of your arsenal
"What occurs in Vegas stays in Vegas," as the adage goes. During a fight, whatever your spouse says should stay there. List-makers never reveal what is bothering them at the time to their partners. So, if they say something that irritates you during the conflict, inform them that their words are irritating you. If their combative comments irritate you the next day, take some time apart from them before approaching them again. Bringing up an argument too frequently can lead to a circle of discussion rather than a conclusion.
5. Make no explanations as to why you fought
An argument could be blamed on a variety of factors, including a difficult day at work, a headache, or a restless night. Couples who don't get enough sleep are more likely to fight, according to a University of California Berkeley research. Still, it isn't fair to you or your partner to transfer the responsibility. Information is at the heart of all fights. If you're furious, upset, or hurt, your husband deserves to know about it. Send a warning text before you leave the office the next time you're having a bad day. They'll be aware that you're more agitated this way.
6. Don't get caught up in the details of the argument
Your time and effort would be better spent on finding solutions to the problem. Consider the following scenario: Let's pretend your partner neglected to bring cash to a cash-only event. You got into an argument about it, but then you went to an ATM and the problem was fixed. Instead of repeating your partner's blunder in your brain, enjoy the night. The only thing that separates a bad fight from a good fight is whether or not you were able to reach an agreement. If, on the other hand, their forgetfulness is a regular occurrence, try mentioning, "I've noticed that you don't carry a lot of cash these days. What exactly is going on there?" It's a less critical approach to the problem than, "Argh! Not this time!"
7. Don't be too hard on yourself for getting into a fight
Everyone wants a committed spouse, yet fighting can indicate that you're both still working on the relationship (which is a good thing!). When a couple says, "We used to argue a lot, but now we raise our hand on the way out," they are doomed. It's not that they don't have differences of opinion. It suggests they're ending the relationship, which is common before they depart or start an affair. So take heart in the fact that you and your partner still want to solve your problems.
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