When it comes to dating, there are certain habits and activities that can’t be controlled such as people cancelling at the last minutes due to whatever reason, but there are some factors that can be controlled by you – your behaviour.
Some of these behaviours can be toxic in a relationship. Let us see some of these toxic habits and how you can avoid or fix them
1. Taking too long before meeting
When you get matched with someone and the light teasing repartee is off the charts. Before you know it, both of you get really close to the point of chatting or calling all day long and night before going to bed. What then stops you to set up a physical meeting?
There is a thing called a digital wall in an online dating world, this wall can foster a false sense of bond between both parties. If your dating agenda or goal is for a committed relationship, set up a physical meeting with this you get to be certain if truly there is an actual chemistry between both of you, how they get to interact with others, how they comport themselves – in public, whether your conversation styles actually align in person.
However, it is advisable to set up your initial meetings in public places like café, coffee shops, cinemas and so on. This gives you the chance to know him further and if you further feel comfortable around your date, fine you can go ahead to set up other meetings at more convenient spots or places like homes if you so wish.
2. Stop writing people off for insignificant things
Leaves on an Island? Tick! Has a cute kitten? Pass! Broad shoulder? Tick! 5ft tall? Pass does any of this sounds like you? If it does, desist from it. It wrong to keep rejecting someone mentally, the truth is you are just making excuses not to engage.
Writing off or mentally rejecting someone is not the same as being picky, it is okay to be picky and have a standard but when it comes to writing off someone for insignificant things you rationally know doesn’t matter like checking if he has a broad shoulder, if she has that figure 8, what you are doing is shutting down possible connections even before you give it a shot.
3. Expecting an immediate spark
It’s okay to feel a flutter of expectation before your date. But do not allow your expectations cloud your evaluation of the person in-the-flesh when you finally meet. Of course, you’ve made some assumptions about their personality based on what you’ve seen on their profile, their photos and messages you’ve exchanged. Instead of fixating on what they’re not, focus on what else they reveal to you. Maybe they’re a little less than your expectations, but under that reserved exterior they have better things to offer which might sweep you off your feet.
4. Just going along with it
You matched, you met, you went on a couple of dates. Before you know it months passed by and family and friends are asking to meet him/her. Except you’re not certain you like her that much. Yes, it’s good to give people a chance, but it’s also very important to check in with your feelings as well and not just default to being amenable to what the other person wants. You’re not doing him/her any favours by dragging it out because you might end up hurting her/him more if she/he misinterprets your passiveness as commitment.
5. Not being straightforward when you realize you don’t like someone
After a couple of dates, you can conclusively say that your latest match isn’t for you. But he keeps texting and asking for more hangouts. Sometimes, you don’t want to be seen or sound rude, so you start narrowing off your replies hoping he gets the hint.
Of course, no one likes be rejected, but you have to think of it as saving yourself time and energy by closing that door neatly instead of doing the old fade-out fashion.
A simple “Hi, I had fun, but I realize this isn’t a good fit” is fair enough and should do the trick, and if he keeps bugging you after letting him/her know how you feel or stand, you are free to ghost. Peradventure, things escalate from there, you are at liberty to report such a one on the App or appropriate body as the case may be
Remember, dating is fun, you don’t know what it holds for you until you dive into it with open mind.
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