Please before you read down, remember that there is no one way to relationships. Relationships differ from geographical locations, to religious perceptions down to individual differences.
So when you come across relationship articles, before you carry any idea home to go and apply on your partner, ask yourself these questions: If the writer were in my partner's shoes, would he do the same thing? If he shared same beliefs as my partner, would accept this idea, if his family were my partner's, judging from what he's suggesting, would he agree with me?
These questions are very important before you apply any knowledge you got online to your personal life.
Premarital relationship in our contemporary age is no longer a child's play. This is because there has grown out of our complex generation too many irregularities that do not seem to support truth, reality, originality and self conscious.
As regards to this, there are important ideas everyone who is in a promising relationship should be conscious of. These are things that when neglected may result to a fatal disappointment.
The concept of checks and balances should also be applied in individual lives, not only in business. Can you shine having a two-year old baby who does not walk, talk or do other things children of his age are doing? Won't it give you a serious concern?
When last did you check your relationship goal status?
Things to check in a long-awaiting relationships
No. 1 - Are we still what we were and what we said we are going to be?
Every relationship started off someday. Either as a platonic relationship which later matured to some mutual engagements or it was a straight way relationship. In every case, there is this fire urns in every fresh relationships, when you feel like, 'no I can't do without him/her". Are those moments still there or they have gone with time, they are now in the past?
The aim of every relationship is to attain happiness, to be happy and to remain happy. Is this happiness still a part of your relationship?
If your affirmation to this question is positive, then keep pushing, keep adding the wood that's keeping the fire burning. Keep picking those minor things that matters into the furnace, let it burn even more brighter, more hotter and much more higher.
But if your answer to this question affirms negatively, then retrace your steps if it's your fault. Have you changed, when, why and how? Sometimes, we fall for people only to finally find out that this was not what we wanted. But because we loved them already, we just wouldn't want to tell them to go and because we love ourselves too, we don't want to give them everything again, because we think they do not deserve us.
If you have changed over time, and you are sure the change is for your good, them call the next person and discuss your changes and new life. Be honest and do it from your heart.
No. 2 - What has he/she changed in my life so far?
The value of positive impact is highly inestimable. Remember your past without your present partner, were you doing better then than now? Or you are doing better now than then? Do you trust that this relationship will push you higher in life or it's in anyway bringing you down?
These are minor but very important things we ignore in pursuit for affections, good moments and shopping experiences only to land ourselves in regret later.
If any of your relationships does not build you, it's absolutely pulling you down but in a subtle way and that is why you wouldn't know until you must have gone down the deep.
No. 3 - What has been our major challenge, were we able to fix it?
I once had a relationship where we fought for an entire year. From January to December, we would be friends but not dating. Maybe next year again, we decide to start all over. If you are having constant breakups that last long in your relationships, check very well, that may not be a good signal. Remember to let go of anything you cannot hold. Spending your entire life struggling to be termed a good person is not worth it.
Endeavour to know where your quality is needed and fight to get yourself there. If a relationship keeps breaking and amending, in marriage, it would be a different thing. It may lead to an eternal quarrel where couples will be married strangers.
No. 4 - What plans do we have in common for our future?
If after two years in a relationship and you both have no plans to settle down together, invest together, do something important together, then the marriage has no future. This part may not be necessary if you are just flexing with your partner, but if you call it a true relationship, then you should be ready to plan it.
If the both of you have no plans together, or in the course of planning, one person is lagging behind and not contributing, then check well, same person does not have you in his it her future. You are to them like a shade, they are waiting for the rain to stop so they could find their way.
No. 5 - Do I still love him or her after all these months/years?
If the love is still there, then go back to No. 1 but if not, please try and know why. There is no such trait that love goes down with years, that love is only sweet at the onset, that's a fat lie. We grow with whatever that is inside us and hence, love. Is the love still there, after the quarrels, the heartbreaks, the fights?
If the love is real and true, then it should have grown over time and be stronger than it had ever used to be. But against this, something has been lost and should either be found or the relationship foregone.
In summary, whatever your relationship is, is what you made of it. If you have been up to 24 months in a relationship and yet, you are unsure of settling down with your partner, then know that the relationship is either parasitic or aimless.
This doesn't imply that the benchmark for a premarital relationship to last is 2years, it means that after two years in a relationship, one should be able to tell the direction of the relationship, whether or not it's worth waiting for.
Endeavour to know where you started in a relationship, how you started, why, where you want to get to and how, then when. Do not be a smoke that keeps going round and round in the sky till it fades into the thin air.
Be reminded: relationship advice is not for everyone, it's for people who have a plan to lead a worthy life in their relationships. It's for those who plan to be happy against all odds. It's for those who go out to make things better.
Photo credit: Google.
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