Do you have children that are currently a thorn in your flesh? Do you sometimes regret why they decided to just be stubborn or strong willed? Well, don't regret it dear parent. All you need is a requisite knowledge of how to deal with them.
Let me say it here, that children's perspective about life and living is different.
Therefore, when you try to force your adult mindset and ideology into them, there will be a clash. This is because he thinks "pleasure"while you think "cost" or "responsibility". Have you wondered why most children do not like to do chores or run errands?. It is for this singular reason.
In this article, I will give you eight(8) proven strategies that can help you curb your child's stubbornness.
1. Expose him to myriad of choices.
Every human beings love freedom (including children). Hence, give them an opportunity to be open to different choices. If you want the child to do a task, then expose him to the different tasks that are available and allow him to make a choice. You can say, will you prefer to wash the plate, sweep the floor or arrange the room? Then allow him to choice.
However, caution has to be taken when doing this. If for instance, you give him choices of which one of them is an escape route from work, he will pick that one quickly because children detests responsibility. For instance, don't say, will you prefer eating to washing plate? You surely know what his choice will be.
The philosophy behind this is to make the child accountable and responsible. That is, if a child willfully decides to undertake a task, he commits himself tirelessly to it. And if any issue occurs, he will be bold to account for it. However, if it was imposed, he will simply lash it back on you that he didn't want to do it in the first place.
2. Make the work fun.
Another irrefutable characteristics of all children is playfulness. They can play with virtually everything at their disposal. Any parent that tries to curtail the children from playing will either have rebels or pretenders.
Thus, what every parent must do is to channel that playful disposition into something constructive.
I read a story sometime ago of a mother who used this method. Guess what, she said it works like magic! Here is her testimony:
"I have a child (a girl) who doesn't want to do chores. So , what I did was to apportioned various rooms to each of the children (the girl inclusive), then set a timer to see who will finish first. Guess what, they finished before the time allocated"
So you can adapt this method to suit your child's or children's preferences.
3. Let there be stated rules and punishments.
While it is true that children are playful and nonchalant, but leaving them to have their way is worse.
When there is no rule, there is no offense. Hence, there must be some lay down rules, regulations and the appropriate punishment to any offender. But make sure, it is not imposed but deliberated. How? Have a family meeting where you outline all possible offences and allow everyone (including the children) to participate in this drafting process. Moreso, write these rules and offences in clear terms and have it pasted at strategic places in the house.
This is important because everyone is aware of the consequence to every action. So that even without shouting, an offender knows what punishment to undertake immediately after the offence.
Secondly, it also serve as a check to everyone in the house. That is, the children, father and mother become watch dog to each other. Moreso, even as a parent, ensure you don't break the rules even if you are the offender. Let there be equity.
4. Have a listening ear.
Most parents jump into conclusions before hearing both sides of the story. Even the Bible says that the first to plead his course sounds right.
Your children wants to feel important. They crave for a sense of acceptance. Have you noticed that when you make judgement base on one person's opinion; you will find out that your judgement was biased after hearing the other party speak.
Have a listening ear towards your children. Don't become autocratic or dictatorial in your approach to handling family issues.
5. Put yourself in your Child's shoes.
Children have feelings and emotions. Sometimes, you need to pause to think of how he/she sees your actions. Sometimes, they may not understand why you behave in a certain manner.
Ask yourself, is she feeling sad? Scared? Or happy? When you are doing this evaluation, assume the heart of a child and not an adult.
6. Live by example.
If you are a parent that always shout or yell at your children, how do you expect them to respond back to you? Smile? Certainly not!. In physics, Newton stated that actions and reactions are equal and opposite.
If you want your child to learn how to communicate his mind without shouting, do so to them. Though this is difficult sometimes, however, constant practice can bring about perfection.
7. Love your children.
Every parent gives instructions because they love the children. However, the approach to communicating these instructions can determine if it is coming from a heart of love or hatred. In other words, your action is a powerful way to convey your intentions.
For instance, if you are the type of parent that always scold or punish your children, they will misinterpret it as wickedness. Don't use the rod only, also use the staff! When your child does what is laudable, appreciate him verbally and with a gift if possible. By so doing, he will start seeing the moral behind your actions.
Let me also say here that, it is not out of place for you to kiss, hug and compliment your children. Children love to feel the warmth of love from their parent. As a matter of fact, they need it seriously and it MUST be supplied by the parents, else, an outsider will supply them the wrong version of love.
8. Be optimistic about your child.
Many parents are error pointers. Some even verbalize their total frustration on their child. While this is a normal feeling of any parent with a stubborn child, however, it is fanning the flames the more. There is no child that has no good side. Thus, amplify that good part in your mind and say it to him.
And above all, pray ceaselessly for your child and spend more time with them. Let them see you as their close friend.
Please share this post to any parent or would be parents. Trust me, it will be of help.
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