What You Didn't Learn in School About Marriage
While you undoubtedly learned many useful things in school, how to create a happy marital relationship probably wasn't included. Most spouses learn about marriage through the proverbial "School of Hard Knocks.
As a student, you undergo drills to help you learn your multiplication tables, you're tested on your mastery of geography and science, and you memorize spelling words. As you progress, you learn to write term papers and to analyze symbolism in literature.
But you were probably not taught one of the most important skills you could learn: how to create, nurture, and sustain a healthy, satisfying relationship with good communication and intimacy. And, sad to say, some people never learn this skill even after multiple marriages
There are many misconceptions about marriage and the impact of two individuals saying "I do." Much emphasis is devoted to planning the perfect wedding--more than is usually devoted to becoming the best partner possible. Often, the marriage is regarded as something that will fall into place with minimum effort after the ceremony.
Which of the following ten points about marriage were you surprised to learn after you said "I do
1. Creating a healthy, happy marriage takes hard work.It doesn't just happen on its own.
Numerous spouses are surprised by the amount of work it takes to keep a marriage on course. Some believe that if you really love someone, the relationship shouldn't be work, it should just flow easily. That sounds good, but in reality all meaningful relationships require an on-going investment of time, effort, energy, and commitment.
2. You don't get to coast for very long. It seems that when things are going well, you should get to "take a break" from the relationship stuff for awhile.
But if you're not growing and evolving as individuals and as a couple, then your relationship is soon going to suffer. There's no such thing as standing still and having everything stay the same. You're either going forwards or you're going backwards
3. Saying "I do" is not the end--it's the beginning. Some spouses feel that once they are married, they don't have to extend as much effort into being romantic or nurturing the relationship.
But a marital relationship isn't the end of the road. It's only the beginning of your opportunity to "grow your marriage" and create a rewarding relationship with your partner.
4. You're not going to change your partner after you marry. No matter how many times this statement is written or verbalized, there are many individuals who still believe that their case will be different.
Motivation to change is normally the highest before marriage when both partners want to please each other. After marriage, it's easier to become comfortable and lose motivation to work on self-growth.
Females are especially susceptible to this dynamic. Because they often are hooked by the potential that they see in their partner, they're convinced that they can change him. This usually leads to a rude awakening after marriage.
5. You can't give what you don't already have. You have to be happy and at peace with yourself before you can create a happy, peaceful, harmonious marriage.
Marriage won't make you happy. Only you can do that. If you're not happy with yourself and your life when you get married, nothing will change significantly afterwards.
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