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How to Convince Your Partner to Do Something You Need Them to Do

Joan and Michael, the parents of two little boys, were therapeutic clients they met while hiking in the Rocky Mountains, and the outdoors has always been an important part of their lives. Increasingly concerned about climate change, Joanna decided to cycle to school every morning and cook more vegetarian meals. Michael loved the idea of ​​the bicycle, but he was a chef and red meat was a staple of the Italian cuisine in which he grew up. “Cooking at the end of the day is a great pleasure for me,” he told me. “I grew up on tough predators! I care about the environment, but cooking pork sausage and meat lasagna is part of my idea of ​​the house. "

Joanne wanted to shake up the way the family was going, but Michael wasn't sure. When I work with couples I see many situations like this. Driven by genuine enthusiasm or concern, one partner may try to convince the other to participate in a new project or practice. This could be the promotion of well-being (meditation, yoga), the introduction of new activities related to the house (budgeting, gardening) or the raising of the standard of living in the world (cycling to work, political activism ).

Your goal is likely to promote health and happiness - for yourself, your family, your community, or maybe all three - so you don't want your efforts to generate friction and negative attitudes. How to motivate your partner more effectively? Start by respecting that commitment takes time, priority, and sacrifice. Here are five things to consider.

Ask yourself: why do I want my partner on the ship?

Maybe you want to set a good example for your kids together, or you want a friend to help motivate you and share your experiences. Clarifying goals will help you find the right way to communicate with your partner. My client Diana, a busy mom at work, felt her “type A personality” was causing her problems, so she started doing yoga and meditation. She made a huge difference: she was more patient with the kids and less worried about her difficult colleagues. Her husband, Nick, suffered from anxiety and believed that meditation could help her as well. But every time she told them, their conversation ended. We talked about it and realized that his abuse made him feel like his goal was to change that. We practiced a more loving alternative: we told him how meditation had helped him and asked out loud if it could help. He wasn't ready to join her yet, butlisten and appreciate his contribution.

Know your emotional style.

You can be a person who is passionate about a new idea and uses the passion to make change. Your partner may be more likely to consider all points of view and make thoughtful decisions. Family life benefits both of you, so keep your partner's perspective in mind. Try not to compare your partner's enthusiasm with recklessness, or confuse their thoughts with their stubbornness. Listen, be curious, and avoid jumping to conclusions about your partner's point of view. If you encounter resistance, slow down. During quiet times when you are walking or relaxing at home, try to honestly tell your partner why this lifestyle change is important to you right now. Say, "I want to give it a try, but it's also very important to me that everyone feels good." Working on differences, rather than fighting them, can go a long way in finding possible compromises.

Try not to compare your partner's enthusiasm with recklessness, or confuse their thoughts with their stubbornness. Listen, be curious, and avoid jumping to conclusions about your partner's point of view.

Content created and supplied by: RelationshipGenius (via Opera News )

Italian Joan Joanne Michael Rocky Mountains

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