Words have great power when we say them, know how to use them correctly when comforting the one you love.
Without fear of being wrong, I can say that we have all gone through painful moments throughout our lives, such as loss of loved ones, eminent dangers, disappointments in love, financial problems that lead to bankruptcy, unemployment; among many other adversities that have left an open wound in our hearts.
Fear, sadness and hopelessness invade us, it is like being paralyzed in time with permanent pain without really seeing a way out. And many times we resort to venting (our feelings) with the closest people, our relatives, friends, colleagues, anyone who is present at that moment; someone with whom we can cry and ease our pain.
And although we are actually sociable beings by nature and we want to help anyone who needs our support and comfort, many times we do not do it the right way.
Think of it like this: tell someone "Courage, everything will pass, don't worry that this is nothing" , "This is life, hard and difficult" , " You have to learn something from that ". They may not be the best ways to comfort .
Since the person who is suffering will not feel empathy when listening to these phrases, in addition to unconsciously, he will feel morally obliged to feign momentary relief in order to make us feel good.
There will be no connection, so our comforting words will have no effect on the person we want to soothe and heal.
As you know, words have great power and influence towards who says and listens to them. The way we say them and the context in which we use them can be magical; as they can help people to improve their self-esteem or destroy it completely.
That is why although we want to be the best comforters for those we love, it is important to think well what to say and how; so that we can really help, support and ease that pain.
Therefore, here are these phrases supported by experts that will serve as a guide to express yourself in the best possible way.
1 "I'm so sorry, I know you are experiencing an unpleasant moment."
Now, notice how the correct words are used, you are not saying "A difficult or complicated moment", since it can destroy the hopes of that sore and hurt person. In addition, saying that you are very sorry will be the key so that you can empathize immediately, since you will be transmitting a feeling of understanding.
Clinical psychologists and relationship experts simply always say that when couples have conflicts, what is expected of the spouse is that he or she is their "sounding board", understanding and empathy; They explain it as being a “witness”, it is like being a mirror of the couple, which makes him understand that he understands and suffers at the same time.
In this way, with the correct words, you will be able to make the injured person feel a connection with you and thus be able to vent their pain; the key is to validate the feelings of the other, to make him understand that everything he feels makes sense and is correct.
2 "I am very sorry for what you are going through, I understand your pain"
When we comfort people it is important to omit our value judgments, our constructive criticisms or our own experiences, since it will not help to say that you went through the same thing and that you are now well.
This is because each individual is unique and exceptional, so their reality and their perception of situations are different.
A study from the University of Illinois (United States) states that we should avoid judgments or expressions such as "This has happened to you through ...", "If you had listened to me, you would not be like this"; since far from helping, they invalidate the person and will make them feel worse than they are.
The key is to try to find solutions together, "Now what do we do, I am with you", "You have me, I will be with you always", "You are not alone".
3 "What you feel is normal, I understand it and I'm sorry, I'm with you"
One of the things we often say when we want to comfort others is to tell them exactly what to do in such situations, how to act, and what to think.
However, it will not be useful to say so, since unconsciously the affected person will reject the indications or recommendations raised.
Simply because he is immersed in his emotional pain, since all he hopes is to find someone suitable who understands and understands him and not someone who will give him instructions or tell him the solution to his problems.
4 "I'm with you when you need it, don't forget"
Most of us believe that it is necessary to be present when it comes to comforting someone; presence is important but at the same time it can be counterproductive, suffocating and overwhelming.
Since the affected person needs to have their own space to process their emotions and feelings, we can even say that they have to experience grief on their own at times.
For this reason, it will be convenient to make it clear to the affected person that we will be there when they need it, giving them their space to heal their pain, that will be enough.
Now you know, when you want to comfort someone, try to use these phrases, limit yourself to judging or criticizing, in the end the affected person will recover and learn that unfortunate and unpleasant lesson that they have had to experience.
Remember, the secret is to make it clear that you are very sorry and that you will be there when you need it.
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