Ephesians 4:26 says, "Be angry, and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your wrath"
Anger is among the most common sins most people find it easy to commit. Yeah, it's all right to get angry in a relationship once in a while, because it's completely natural and safe, and it helps you to convey your secret emotions, which can also help you unburden.
Anger is a fragile feeling to engage in. It also has the power to bring peace and close after an outburst or to exacerbate the situation. Anger may cause serious problems if it is too severe, happens at inappropriate times, or lasts too long. If it is out of reach, you will damage not only yourself, but also those you come into contact with while it lasts.
As necessary as communication is to a relationship, it should be treated tactfully during challenging times, particularly when one is upset. Often contact during a fit of rage can be almost difficult to accomplish without letting out powerful emotions.
To avoid emotions from going wild and to stop adding more energy to the fire that is already burning, it is best to stand back, take a deep breath and think before you say something.
Here are a few steps to take to express yourself better when you're frustrated.
1. Don't react to anger with anger
Whenever your spouse is angry, particularly with you, it can be easy to get frustrated and respond to his anger with your own rage, particularly when he's raising his voice and throwing words at you. Yet how you deal with his angry voice or mood can decide the next course of action in an argument.
If you want him to listen to you , don't ever get into his bad energy. Keep away because it doesn't do anything to help the situation; it's going to exacerbate it further. While you stay away from his destructive energy, try to find out why he's behaving the way he's doing right now. This may be due to a misunderstanding, a misinformation-based belief, or simply a bad day.
It is important to keep your own frustration out of your own at that time when you are trying to connect with him.
2. Take a deep breath.
When you're angry with what he's doing or doing, don't try to talk at that point, things could get worse if you do it. Calm down by pushing your breath. When you find like the conversation is too much, take a moment away from the situation to collect your thoughts.
Deliberately take a deep breath is an efficient way to control your emotions. When you breathe in, count to five before you exhale. This effort to be conscious will take your mind away momentarily from a bad situation and allow you to concentrate on your breathing technique, calming your nerves and emotions
3. Ask for a timeout
If you like you 're getting mad, there's no shame asking for a break from the discussion. When you note the point goes out of control with STOP. Tell your husband that you'd like to take a quick break from the conversation and that you'll be back when you're relaxed.
Instead give yourself time to calm down by engaging in a variety of things that will take your mind away from the argument that made you upset. You prevent the situation from getting worse by taking the break. You can also wait a day or two to cool down, and let your husband know that you need time to calm down before you restart the conversation.
4. Change the way you think.
One aspect that makes most people angry is the spoke word that keeps playing in their heads repeatedly. Anger will often reach the raw nerves. To order to calm your frustration down and be able to make your feelings clear, you need to change the way you think and concentrate on something else.
It is one right way to combat the possible consequences of your frustration, because, in a fit of rage, you might overreact and say things you would otherwise have left unsaid in a healthier period. When paused to actively reflect on something different from your raw emotions, you replace the negative thoughts that build up with more rational ones.
For example, I love music, and at times like this, I sing and concentrate on the words of the song. When I do, calmness runs through my subconscious, and in most situations, I tend to see things from a different perspective.
5. Express yourself calmly and slowly.
When you've been able to follow the above steps and you're no longer frustrated, it 's important that you think about the situation and why you're so mad. Objectively evaluate the question to make sure you grasp all the problems with dispassion, then think about how to clarify your feelings. Present yourself with dignity.
Sit down and write your thoughts to your husband before dealing with the topic outwardly. Look at the event again in your head and explain it as critically as you can, pay attention to your own conclusions about the case. A simple exercise may help you recognise the wrong assumptions that you have made and will eventually understand that your frustration has been misplaced.
Following that, talk in a clear voice about your perception of the situation. Don't raise your voice or speak in a tone of rage. You don't need to be hostile in order to be assertive.
6. Use "I Feel" Statements
It's a lot easier to tell how you feel by using "I pay ..." than to blame your husband directly for making you feel a certain way. It can be really challenging in the heat of the moment, but it helps you to get in contact with what's actually going on in you, and it also helps your husband to see where you're coming from.
If you use the "I feel" word instead of the "you" word, it helps to make sure your husband doesn't feel threatened, and is always open to what you have to say.
7. Don't provoke your angry husband.
Men are programmed in various ways, and the climate, the family history, can have a huge effect on their reactions to items. When you know that your husband's rage button is activated. You need to try to remain calm, because you're not going to push him to wrath, because he's going to the point where he's threatening you.
You understand your husband, don't do or do things that you know would make him upset or feel less valued.
8. Focus and stick to the subject
If you express your own part, it is important that you stick to the current issue. Don't open the floodgates to any little thing he's done to annoy you lately. State your points explicitly without resorting to attacks or charges. But don't stop there, let your husband share his own experiences, and communicate with him sincerely.
9. Give room for your husband to speak and be prepared to listen
When you tell your spouse how you feel, try to stop talking and listen to what he's got to say. Let him talk and listen to what he says. Don't interrupt or contradict him when he's talking. He may very well have interpreted what happened very differently from yours. He needs a chance to communicate how he feels in a comfortable and stable climate.If want to hear his own point of view, by listening to you demonstrate, without saying a word, that you really care for his feelings. After listening to him, you can know that you can no longer be upset with him.
If you connect with your husband and your intention is to make him confess his wrongdoings, you will be walking a tight rope. Note, your goal is to connect, not to get into a power struggle. All that's necessary is to state what really concerns you, and once you've said what needs to be said, it's time to let it go. May the Lord offer your understanding to you. Amen
please share with us,if you know some other ways to communicate with husband.
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