Don't make any sudden moves. Just give me what I want, and this will all be over soon.
I want you to slowly and quietly put that money in the bag. Slowly! Yeah, fill it all the way up. Ok. When you're done with that, you're going to hand me the money, and give me a little peck on my cheek.i said, put the money in the bag, and also give me a peck on my cheek, like my mummy used to do! Do I love like I'm joking?
I have a gun! So give me my needs and no one gets hurt! No, don't - HURRY UP.
EVERYBODY GET DOWN!
Listen up! You're all being taken hostage. I swear to God if any one of you moves a muscle, or tries to call for help, I will shoot you. Empty your pockets. Phones out, now! And you know what? While you're e that, why don't you all sing Happy Birthday to me. Common sing Happy birthday to me. Slide the wallets over, and sing me the birthday song, the normal one. Oh my God. Just start or I will blow this place to high heaven.
Huh? Oh, sorry. It's "Mike." Happy birthday dear "Mike." You got that? Good.
While they're doing that cashiers, I want all the money in the bag and now! While doing that, why not write me a sweet little note to go with it.
Nothing crazy, just a little something so I know you care. It's the thought that counts. And don't skimp on the important facts.
Now, you! Go lock the doors. Do it! Everyone else, form a line. Single file, come on! You there, with the suit. Are you the manager? Well, Daddy if you ever want to see your family again, you'd better get come here and quick to the front of the line. And put on some music. I don't know! Something upbeat! Okay, now everyone hands on the shoulders of the person in front of you. Yes, all slow-like. Good. Now walk around the room to the beat of the music. Yeah. Smile. This is fun! It's my birthday! Yes!
What? The police are outside? Give me the phone, and don't move! Hello? Yes, this is Mike. Oh wow, thank you! I can't believe byou remembered! Yes, it's a big one. Double the digits! What? Oh right, the robbery. Yes, I have taken control of the bank. My demands?
Well first, I want a million dollars. Then, I want everything on the pizza menu. Every minute that I get to wait for a pizza I kill a hostage.
Why? Because it's a pizza party, that's why! I also want an ice cream cake, and I want those party hats with the straps that kind of hurt your chin, and I want a pinata, a big fat pinata full of candy, good candy, or these hostages will never see their family again. That's a guarantee. Oh, and I need candles, but not the kind you can't blow out, because those aren't funny. What? What'd you just say to me? Don't talk to me while I'm on the phone or we're all going down!
Hey, Mr. Interrogator, are you still there? One of the hostages has a gluten allergy, so could you make sure one of the pizzas is gluten free? Pepperoni please. Amazing. Thank you so much.
Alright. Now which of you got me a present?
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